The I-never-got-why-people-thought-she-was-so-sexy Joan Collins features prominently as an 'evil developer,' as we're forced to swallow 25-minutes of sensitive New Age psychobabble, establishing our ant-food, I mean characters, with believable backstory. For our trouble we get the usual group of victims, most notably including a doddering couple of oldsters and a woman who last purchased a brassiere in 1966. At least the last hour of the movie is devoted to gi-Ants (get it?) chasing folks through the Everglades, chomping them with wild abandon.

Gordon's picture has plenty going for it. The ants always look the right size, whether they are actual ants crawling around, super-imposed on a boat, or gnarly models gnawing on a sucker's knees, and there are plenty of ants to go around, terrorizing everybody! (But why do all giant ants have to sound like cicadas in a crack-rage?) Gordon's ants are vicious, and provide some mild gore to go along with the general peril. Of particular note is the way the ants play with those foolish old folks. Empire also sports a truly weird atmosphere, with the usual low-rent cinematic trick of 'day-for-night' being replaced by 'sun-for-rain.' This is a seriously rain-soaked picture, but it's abundantly clear throughout that our cast is running through a sunny jungle whilst being sprayed by hoses. The effect is disorienting, to say the least, and Empire merits a Recommended rating for connoisseurs of big-bug mayhem.

Jaws Of Satan

1981's Jaws Of Satan, while treading the same ground as Empire, falls short on almost every count, other than for the presence of Fritz Weaver. The explotationer (which may or may not have been originally titled King Cobra as the credits sequence seems to indicate, or maybe King Cobra is merely a cast-member) follows most cinematic 'deadly animal' tropes. There's a deadly animal or two killing and terrorizing. There's an unsuspecting populace. There are government officials in the pocket of business people, who wouldn't dare shut down the town in order to save lives, because there's money to be made!

The sad part is that in this case, we're talking about a new Dog Racing track opening, the "biggest thing ever!" for the state. In other words, if a dog track is the only thing saving your entire state from economic ruin, better just lie down and let the rattlers have their way with you. Because Satan, in the form of a king cobra, has a vendetta against Fritz Weaver, and he (Satan) thinks nothing of employing other venomous snakes to menace young Christina Applegate, (in her debut) in order to unnerve Weaver and cause him to burst into flames or something. Or maybe Satan just doesn't like using animals to help people gamble.

No matter. It ends up being a case of 'Hiss Said, She Said' (yeah, whatever) as this retread of every other similar movie (most notably Kingdom Of The Spiders) proves just stupid enough to be amusing. I won't spoil the fun for you, but will only point out that actual movie fans might find the interplay between the male and female leads almost believable, cute even, and that there are some nice special makeup effects showcasing vicious snake bites. But then there's also the Grand Opening of the Dog Track with Cheerleaders, Strange Dancers, and a Weird Jazz Band. The snake foils a rape for its own devious purposes, and chases Fritz Weaver around a cemetery. OK, then, I guess this one's Recommended too, just remove your brain first.

The DVD

Video:
Empire hits you in a nice 1.85:1 ratio 1080p High Definition transfer, with a nice amount of detail showing through what often seems to be a soft-focus feature. (Hey, it's Joan Collins after all.) This of course reveals the seams between shots of real ants superimposed on human action. It's a trade-off, because the movie generally looks good, with a little nice film grain and good color. Only very minor dirt specks or film damage (virtually unnoticeable) crop up. Jaws Of Satan open up in a 1.78:1 ratio transfer. The transfer is comparable to Empire with slightly sharper detail. Overall, both look pretty cool for sharing the same BD and being all old and stuff.

Sound:
Both movies feature Stereo DTS-HD Master Audio (don't believe the box, which says Mono) and sound just fine. Neither one is busting out with a huge dynamic range, nor terribly exciting dynamic placement. Then again, stereo used to be plenty for us old-folks, so who needs 7.1 anyway? At any rate, all elements are mixed properly and respectful of each other, and damage to the original audio elements is not in attendance, which is good.

Extras:
Empire comes with a great Commentary Track from Mister Big himself, the one-and-only Bert I. Gordon, who sounds strangely young and full of pep. Well worth the price of admission. The Theatrical Trailer, a Radio Spot, three-minutes worth of Photo Gallery, English Subtitles and two other Scream Factory Trailers round out the Ants extras. Jaws Of Satan sports only the Theatrical Trailer.

Final Thoughts:
Two crap-tastic 'Nature On A Rampage' movies from the good old days on one Blu-ray? Sign me up! Empire features giant ants, so I really shouldn't have to say anything else, but rest assured in amongst sensitive-'70s psychobabble, there is plenty of ant-action, as only low-budget schlockmeister Bert I. Gordon could deliver. Jaws Of Satan is even more intellectually bankrupt, but if you can get behind a telepathic Satan-snake trying to foil the grand opening of a dog racing track, you know you've come to the right place. Decent transfers and a Bert I. Gordon commentary track should land this release in the shopping carts of bad-movie lovers looking to collect dividends. Recommended.

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