Short Takes

VICTORY OVER VHS OBLIVION! After a staggering 116 WEEKS high among CineSchlock-O-Rama's Most Wanted, the vigilance of CineSchlockers has been rewarded with another capture.

At last! The second-most famous erotic thriller starring an '80s sitcom siren desperate to shed her goodie-goodie image -- the first being Embrace of the Vampire with Alyssa Milano. Here a pre-enhancement then de-enhancement Nicole Eggert strips and sizzles as a psycho nympho who snares an ever gap-jaw'd Corey Haim in an extremely torrid web of teen lust and murder. This gal is SO batty and SO sexed up that she manages to get Haim thrown in the pokey and THEN tries to hike up her skirt to diddle him right there in the police interrogation room. Keep this babe OFF her meds! The flick also features a highly emotive Corey Feldman as our breathless hero's older, wiser brother who pirouettes and gestures like he's in a community playhouse staging of My Fair Lady. Bless him! But the real story is Ms. Eggert's salaciously brave turn as a 17-year-old vixen who's apt to go schizo and scratch her bed buddy's eyes out mid-cavort in her father's bed, on the kitchen counter, in the shower, on a stairway, against a wall, on a bear-skin rug and just about anywhere else the mood strikes. Just how the heck this after-school Basic Instinct ever got MADE, with the two Coreys no less, is nothing short of astonishing as is its undeniable oomph as a twisty thriller amid all its peep shows. Someone reteam director Brent Spencer and writer Robert Cooper as a sequel is LONG overdue! Meanwhile, CineSchlockers and freeze-frame perverts may well drain their remotes given Artisan has apparently goofed! Purely as a public service, yours truly ran their R-rated disc side-by-side with the highly-coveted Unrated VHS release and discovered the two are IDENTICAL frame for fiery frame. Yes, even in those to the plot! Two breasts. Five corpses. Multiple explosions. Wild driving. Gratuitous shower scene. Jack rabbit-esque fornicating. Contemplative slow mo. Brawling Coreys. Rampant Haim hiney. Rip-away lingerie. Advanced hetro tongue rasslin. Threat of intestinal strangulation. Unsanctioned use of giant stuffed duck. Gratuitous suicide attempt. Suggestive horseback riding. Girl gone really, really wild. Hellacious gun battle. Oh, it's impossible to pick just ONE of Megan's bonsmots: "Does this look like the body of a 16-year-old? ... Talking isn't my best sport. ... I guess I'm really f@#%ed up, huh?" and the jailhouse show stopper "I want to feel you inside me RIGHT NOW!!!" (1992, 93 mins, Fullframe, DD 2.0.)