The Movie

Iska Full Contct Kickboxing Super Middleweight Champion Bruan Schwartz FINALLY makes his big-screen debut in Mutation, which happens to be one of the dullest, silliest, and most aimless horror/action/sci-fi amalgams that ever wandered through 61 minutes of interminable chit-chat before closing the deal with a fight scene that looks a whole lot like some deleted scenes from The Toxic Avenger! Yes, a new action hero is born!

Well, not really, sorry to say.

Brad Sykes, the director of Evil Sister 2, Witchcraft 12, and Death Factory, returns to give the DTV shelf yet another indie flick whose grasp woefully exceeds its reach. For you to mount this story successfully -- that a previously hibernating serial killer would be awakened, only to have the freaky bastard sprout purple bubbles of mutation across his flesh as he learns to kill again -- ...Read the entire review

Ah....amateur night. Let's dispatch with this nauseating little straight-to-DVD atrocity as quickly and painlessly as possible. Apparently, young Cassy finds herself asked to play Lizzie Borden in a haunted house for Halloween. Yet, what her boyfriend Andrew, and future employer Mr. Moody among others, don't know, is that Cassy may not be the best choice to play Lizzie, because of some pesky homicidal tendencies that no one knew about.

There's really no point in going on with any description of the action, because most of what happens in The Curse of Lizzie Borden defies description. Ineptitude seems to be the unifying factor for all aspects of the production, from direction, right down, apparently, to the catering (everyone looks faintly nauseous, as if they've eaten a bad kosher meal). Granted, there are isolated pleasures to be found (the film's funniest moment comes when the f...Read the entire review

The Movie:

If you've seen Wes Craven's Last House On The Left, then you've pretty much seen David DeFalco's Chaos. Although Wes Craven and Sean Cunningham's script isn't credited anywhere in the movie credits, the source of inspiration for this film is obvious from the start to the point where this film is almost a remake (ironic considering that Last House On The Left itself was a remake of Ingmar Bergman's The Virgin Spring and that Craven has recently approved and will be producing a big budget version of his original film soon enough – truly genre cinema is cannibalizing itself!).

The story revolves around three guys – Chaos (Kevin Gage), Frankie (Stephen Wozniak) and Swan (Sage Stallone) who use their pal Daisy (Kelly Quann) to trick motorists into stopping to help her – the fact that Daisy isn't afraid to use her feminine charm to her advantage...Read the entire review

Ju Dou (1990) is an important early work in the career of director Yimou Zhang, and its historical importance is very significant in that it helped bring Chinese cinema (as opposed to that from Hong Kong and Taiwan) western world acclaim for the first time, including an Academy Award nomination as Best Foreign Film, this despite the film being banned in its country of origin.

Unfortunately, this Razor release is simply an atrocious DVD. It's messed up in just about every way imaginable, the end result resembling a lesser Alpha Video public domain release. (A full rant follows.)

The film is excellent, though this reviewer finds the director's films immediately after this even better. In rural, 1920s China, Ju Dou (Gong Li) has been sold into marriage to a wealthy but abusive old man, Jin-Shan (Wei Li), who operates a highly profitable textile factory. Profitable partly because he has but one...Read the entire review

The Movie

Reviewing DVDs is something which I truly enjoy, although it can be somewhat challenging at times. These obstacles are typically quite minor, but this time, I've run into something which seems insurmountable. In order to write, I rely on my vocabulary, which has never let me down in the past, but in this situation, I'm stumped. You see, "vanity project" won't do the trick; nor will "self-indulgent". Conjure has transcended the boundaries of both of those terms and entered a egomaniacal state that nearly defies description.

Conjure is the creation of illustrator Matt Busch. Although I've never heard of Matt Busch (I left the world of comic books behind 10 years ago and have never looked back), I know he's an illustrator because Conjure opens with a 9-minute biography for Busch, and to a lesser extent, his girlfriend Sarah Wilkinson. I honestly th...Read the entire review

The Movie:

Good intentions alone do not make something worthwhile. It can go a long way, of course, but even the noblest efforts mean little if they don't grab your attention.

And so it is with Black Wheels, a documentary chronicling the history of African-Americans in NASCAR and other motor sports. Co-producer Byron Hunter has said he and his colleagues made the 48-minute film to speak to NASCAR fans and not necessarily black audiences, to educate them on the significant role that African-Americans have played in the sport.

Nevertheless, speaking as a reviewer who is neither black nor a NASCAR fan, I have always held that a well-made documentary about an interesting subject can and should have more than a specialized appeal. Black Wheels has a fascinating and unique story to tell about a sport that (fairly or not) is often stereotyped as the purview of Sou...Read the entire review

The Film:

There are probably a dozen reasons why one would want to see Martin Guigui's latest production Swing. The story evolves around a rebellious boy (Innis Casey) trying to follow his dreams while falling in love with a seductive older woman (Jacqueline Bisset) while…he also discovers a mysterious swing club where a dollar bill can buy a whole lot more than what you can imagine. Sounds like a great premise for a romantic film correct? Wrong!! Here's why:

Aside from a great cast suggesting that Swing would most likely be an enjoyable experience where we will be treated with quality acting and an engaging story this relatively new production fails to reveal anything more than what you would probably see in the after hours programming of your least favorite movie channel. An abundance of "romantic" clichés, poorly written lines, and an overly sentimental storyline ...Read the entire review

I hope. I pray. I say this as a boxing fan. I beg Roy Jones to stay in retirement.

Roy Jones Jr. was a domineering fighter for many years. Boxers tend to fall into two categories, boxers and punchers. That is, men who rely on movement and angles or those that command due to pure power. Each has its own degrees of technical skill, but every so often you get boxers who display the best of both facets, the boxer-puncher. Roy Jones was one such fighter, able to move with slickness and avoid punches, find incredibly awkward ways to attack/counterattack, but at the same time commanded knockout punching power if he needed it. It is the kind of rare, loose style, that you just cannot teach, that purely comes from a fighters own personality and finely developed instincts.

But, every fighter has his time. With some exceptions, the average lifespan of a boxer's career peak is usually ten years, between the e...Read the entire review

Movie: If there were ever a cultural phenomenon surpassing that of the late singer Elvis Presley, I'm not aware of it. Let's face it, the man made numerous movies, had dozens of hit singles, appeared on television countless times, and is possibly the most impersonated man in the history of the world. Known for his generosity in giving away Cadillacs, being used as the focal point of modern movies & television (as in Bubba Ho-Tep starring the infamous Bruce Campbell or in the Quantum Leap series starring Scott Bakula), and so much else in our twisted society, it's sometimes unappealing to remember that "The King" passed away at the untimely age of 42, back on August 16, 1977. Hundreds of books have been written about the man, known best from his rock and roll fame alth...Read the entire review

It has been interesting to see the evolution of mixed martial arts fighting. It has come a long way since the early days of The Ultimate Fighting Championship when some hack, mulleted, white karate dude would be facing off against some beer-bellied, dive bar bouncer who took a few kickboxing classes at the local gym.

Over the past decade or so, The UFC and Pride fighting events have really gotten their acts together. What began as essentially sensationalized brawling has evolved into a real sport which finds its foundations in grappling, striking, and submission. Those three skills take from a number of fighting styles, from boxing, to wrestling, to judo, and so forth, making it truly mixed martial arts. The packaging for these showcases still has a near WWF air with lots of macho posturing and some over the top personalities getting most of the camera time. That hurts mixed martial arts in terms of...Read the entire review

The Clips

I pretty much hate boxing. Honest. I've got nothing against the sport, the violence, or the athletes. But I went through a stretch several years back when all my friends would get all psyched up for the latest pay-per-view boxing event. We'd get beers and pizzas and invite the whole frat house over for some fun ... and, more often than not, the match was a joke. Either it would be interrupted by an overzealous referee or the judges would offer a final decision that seemed ludicrous at best -- and downright criminal at worst.

So I kind of gave up on boxing. I have baseball in the summer and football in the winter, and if I want to see two guys beating the snot out of each other, I'll go watch Rocky or Raging Bull. Sure, they're "fake" boxing stories -- but at least I walk in knowing they're fake.

But even a pugilistic know-nothing like myself is familiar with Roy Jon...Read the entire review

The Movie

If you go to the IMDb page for Studio 666 and click on screenwriter Adam Hackbarth's name, you'll find a bit of trivia: he banged out the screenplay for The Possessed (a.k.a. Studio 666) in thirty "work hours." And I hope I'm not just going for the obvious jab when I say that it shows.

Sure, it's easy to kick a movie like this: it was shot on video for very little money with no professional actors ... and very little in the way of production value. It's such a low-rent, derivative little pseudo-slasher that even if you enjoyed it (which you wouldn't) -- you certainly wouldn't remember it two days later. But I see all these dinky little DTV horror flicks as the calling cards of the next aspiring wave of Raimis, Jacksons, and Carpenters. So even while I know that most of these movies will suck cheese, I really do try to find something of value.

Sa...Read the entire review

The Movie:

After spending over half a century breaking new ground in the fields of fantasy and comic book illustration, Frank Frazetta finally gets his due in the form of this feature length documentary come love letter from director Lance Laspina. Even if you're not familiar with the name Frank Frazetta, whether you know it or not you have to have seen some of his artwork. It may have been a movie poster hanging in a theater, it may have been a magazine cover, it may have been a comic book, it may have been a record album cover, or it may have been one of the dozens of paperback covers that he was responsible for brining to life. But the fact remains, his artwork is everywhere – you just need to know what to look for.

Frank Frazetta – Painting With Fire takes a look at Frazetta's artistic legacy through some interviews with his contemporaries and with the man himself. The...Read the entire review

A lady agrees to become a surrogate mother in order to achieve her dreamof opening a restaurant, an ex-con meets a group of new friends and getsa second chance, and a woman tries to land the man of her dreams. All these, and several other plots, occur in Food for Love (originallytitled with the much superior moniker The Hungry Bachelor's Club.)While there were some interesting characters and plots, overall the movieis just too crammed to succeed.

Delmar (Jorja Fox) is a single mother who puts on dinner parties forher friends.  She loves to cook, and dreams of opening her own restaurant. She lives with her mother, son, and her best friend Hortense (Suzanne Mara.)Hortense is engaged to a slick lawyer, Stanley (Paul Provenza,) who won'tquite agree to marry her, and Delmar's brother, Jethro (Peter M...Read the entire review

THE MOVIE

Unfortunately, Big Wind On Campus was about precisely what I was afraid it was going to be about: human flatulence. And no matter how you cut it (pun intended!), bathroom humor has never been very funny…and 90-mintues of it is downright excruciating.

The movie stars Seth Walther as Artie, whose birth we get to see in the opening minutes of the film. As the doctor reports to the parents shortly after Artie is born, their son is a "farter," and will have problems whenever he is too stressed out or worried.

We then jump ahead in time to Artie's college days, where he's obsessed with a sexy chick on campus (played by Christine Steel), but totally oblivious to the fact that his new friend Emily (Heather McComb) is really the right woman for him.

There will be no bonus points for guessing how the film concludes, but to say that this is a romantic comedy...Read the entire review

From an objective standpoint, it's pretty easy to see why reality TV appeals to so many people. Although it doesn't represent real life in the way I'm used to seeing it, it's a lot closer to reality than most other kinds of programming. And hey, if you're someone that enjoys watching other people, it's no wonder that this particular brand of TV would be right up your alley. Personally, I don't tend to enjoy these kinds of shows (as if the miniature rant above wasn't enough proof), but I can still see why some people like them: week after week, month after month, these shows allow viewers to get to know the participants on a near-personal level. While most of these chaps are usually slathered in waay too much lip gloss, body glitter, and hair gel to be labeled as "the girl/guy next door", they're still much closer to the label than your typical big-name celebrity.

I'd go more into the histo...Read the entire review

There is nothing more disheartening than a promising premise that pisses away its possibilities. Good ideas are hard to come by, and when a filmmaker happens to run across one, it is their utmost duty to preserve and serve it. The problem that most make for themselves, however, is relying on the novelty to sell their narrative, when it should really be the other way around. A good example of this approach is that first person POV standard bearer, The Blair Witch Project. Hitting on the home movie motif as well as the improv approach to terror, this mostly minor movie made a killing at the box office by being true to its unusual elements. While some critics found it more irritating than ingratiating, audiences ate up the "you are there" feeling and bought the boogieman balderdash hook, line and sinker. From the trick ending entities of M. Night Shyamalan to the own private universe of the Coen B...Read the entire review

The Movie:

Slammed! follows the misadventures of two late teen wrestling fanatics, Derek (Zachery Ty Bryan who played Brad Taylor on TV's Home Improvements) and Jeff (Justin Whalin of Dungeons And Dragons and Child's Play 3). The two pals work together as busboys at a restaurant called 'The Four Buckles.' This is a real perk for the pair as every weekend the restaurant hosts a local bar scene wrestling tournament, which of course is right up their alley.

Derek and Jeff hope that they'll be able to use these amateur matches to get themselves some experience and one day make it to the big leagues. They idolize a professional wrestler named 'The Slammer' (Sasha Mitchell of Kickboxer parts 2, 3 and 4!) and are bound and determined to make it to his level of popularity in the ring, and to win as many championships and title matches as he has.

Derek...Read the entire review

Sometimes, a movie depresses you with how dull it is. It doesn't happen very often. Usually, bad is bad and good is graciously accepted and the debate is over. But there are those instances where the ideas present, or the production value used, prepare you for a truly original an/or interesting experience and all you get is the cinematic equivalent of narcolepsy. When it happens, it really throws your aesthetic appreciations all out of whack. It has you second guessing your previous approaches to film and augmenting your personal taste. The quandaries pile up until the brain starts to shut down and the bowels open up. Indeed, the most annoying aspect of being bored by what should have been a silly slice of independent fun, or a deliciously derivative genre experiment – usually in the arena of horror or the sex farce – is how many unanswered questions there are: Why was this movie made? Who thought ...Read the entire review

Short Takes

Another horror-fied Big Chill update? Gimme Infested where that Power Ranger chippy karates killer insects over this rubber-suit yawner. Wait, that's not exactly fair. Like many a practitioner of the thespianic arts, this cranky critter's just a victim of crummy storytelling: Half dozen yappy twentysomethings hold a fireside blame game (a.k.a. high school reunion) only to become an all-it-can-eat buffet for a mutant tree frog. Predator and Pumpkinhead musta had better agents! Where there's the grotesque consequences of Mother Nature noodling there's USUALLY a mad, mad, mad scientist lurking nearby. That'd be Chase Masterson wor...Read the entire review

The Movie:

Superguy – Behind The Cape proudly touts on its cover a quote from The Winston-Salem Journal that claims what 'This Is Spinal Tap did for heavy metal, Superguy does for super heroes.' Well, that's an exaggeration, but thankfully a small one. It's not as clever as Spinal Tap and not quite as funny but it is a very smart, humorous send up of the super hero genre that is much better than its cheese-ball title would suggest.

Mark Teague plays the titular role of Superguy, a self proclaimed ordinary guy with extraordinary powers. He just wants to do well by the world and help out when he can, but sadly the everyday problems we all encounter from day to day can sometimes bring even the most spectacular hero down once in a while.

In his secret identity as Mark Trent, we see Superguy in some rather unflattering lights. He starts off as the apple...Read the entire review

The world of straight-to-video movie releases is a strange one. Crammedwith drugdealers and kick boxers these releasesusually don't offer much up by way of unusual character development.RogerNygard's Suckers (1999), however, is a little more unique thanyour averageVan Damme knock-off.Suckers offers a glimpse into the vicious world of cardealerships, and what aworld it is. Desperately needing money, Bobby (Louis Mandylor) takes ajob as asalesman at acar dealership run by chrome-domed Reggie (Daniel Benzali). Compared toReggie,Bobby is a nice guy, which only means that sometimes he feels littlepangs of guilt forthe poor souls that he is suckering.Using Reggie's sales techniques the motley crew of salesmen makes aregular habit ofselling cars for well above sticker price to customers who are so mad atthemselvesfor getting ripped off that they recommendthe place to all their friends in an atte...Read the entire review