I'm not going to bury the lede here, "Sharknado 3" is terrible. No one should second-guess their own suspicions, especially when the film arrives with the subtitle "Oh Hell No!" What began in 2013 as a routine entry in the SyFy/Asylum films pantheon of terrible, Saturday night cable TV-movies with "Sharknado" has, to date, resulted in a trilogy that for undefinable reasons, seems to captivate the minds of viewers and bring every hacky c-list actor/news personality/politician/etc. out of the woodwork for cameos in each new, each less entertaining installment. Following up somewhat where "Sharknado 2: The Second One" left off, "Sharknado 3" (I refuse to reference the terrible subtitle again) finds Ian Ziering's Fin Shepard (what a clever name) rushing to what seems like a crisis needing his unique brand of heroism. Syke, Thunder Levin's script tricks you into thinking the Sharknado has returned th...Read the entire review

THE MOVIE:

From the fine folks that brought you Transmorphers and Snakes on a Train, here comes the next low budget soundalike direct-to-video classic Shark Week. Actually, scratch that. It may have been filmed on a shoestring budget and its title is definitely meant to capitalize on the name recognition of Shark Night but this one's no classic. It's just another tiresome slog through bad movie terrain that's unwilling to go the distance and be so gloriously awful as to actually be entertaining on some level. I'm struggling to think of anything positive to say but I'm sure there's something in here that's worthy of a passing nod. Let me circle back to that.

The plot (or what passes for it) involves a lunatic (Patrick Bergin) who kidnaps strangers, brings them to his island and then has them fight for survival in shark-infested waters. That's it. That's ...Read the entire review

The Movie:

This recent straight to video low budget movie from The Asylum is set in the South Dakota town of Deadwood , only a hop, skip and a jump away from one of the country's most beloved landmarks, Mount Rushmore. Deadwood is a pretty sleepy town but local DJ Harley Henderson (Danny Bonaduce) aims to liven things up a bit by putting together his very own Eighties Flashback Weekend festival where he hopes to get a huge audience out to enjoy some rock n roll. In order to make this happen though, he's going to have to build a big stage and in order to build that big stage he's going to have to cut down some of the forest that surrounds the town.

Enter Simon (Barry Williams) - a guy who doesn't like Harley much at all, given that they were both at one point legitimate rock stars in their own right before their respective falls from grace. He's become an environmental activist sin...Read the entire review

The Movie:

Originally made by The Asylum for the SyFy Channel, 2012: Zombie Apocalypse follows the same story as pretty much every other cheap zombie movie ever made. See, zombies have taken over and they're eating people - lots of them. A slight twist here is that the zombies are getting more intelligent over time and whatever virus it is that spawned them is spreading faster because of this. Enter out requisite group of rag-tag survivors, lead by a tough guy named Henry (Ving Rhames - no, seriously!) who is going to lead Ramona (Taryn Manning), Cassie (Lesley-Ann Brandt), and Billy (Eddie Steeples) to Catalina Island where evidently they'll find some reprieve. As the island is far enough away from the mainland, the virus hasn't spread there yet and so it offers a safe retreat from all of the chaos.

And that, dear readers, is really about it as far as the storyline goes. T...Read the entire review

Full disclosure: through a series of strange and unlikely events, I found myself creating a facebook fan page for The Asylum, a low-budget company that cranks out what they lovingly call "mockbusters": riffs on the latest movies. Anyone who's gone into a Blockbuster in the last few years has no doubt seen one or two: The Da Vinci Treasure, Transmorphers, and, perhaps my favorite, The Day the Earth Stopped are among their similar-but-not-the-same oeuvre. More recently, their output has expanded to more general genre riffs, like the reknowned Mega Shark vs. Giant Octopus. Since I started that page, The Asylum came along and turned what was basically a joke into the official page for their movies, just around the same time I ended up with several of their DVDs in my possession. Unfortunately, the first one I'm going to review, MILF, is the lesser of their two T&A com...Read the entire review