I always believe in admitting my biases right up front, and I'd like to declare right here and now that I just loooooooove Rob Estes. Esai Morales is a close second. Then add in Without a Trace's absolutely delectable Enrique Murciano. They're all in this movie, which is why I just about freaked out at the prospect of watching it, just like a starved woman at a hunk buffet! Unfortunately, even with a supporting cast that includes Jason Alexander, Alison Eastwood, and Kimberly Williams, this mess of a movie is a complete waste of talent.
Business partners Stan and Artie are out on a blind date together. Stan is a slick type who has all the answers (or so he thinks) when it comes to women. Artie (Rob Estes) is a nice guy who is still reeling from the death of his beloved wife. Stan gives Artie a ton of advice, which basically amounts to recommending he lie about traveling around the world, pretend to enjoy fine wine, etc. Artie is understandably reluctant, as he wants to be liked for who he is.
Although the Stan/Artie storyline is the main one, there are many storylines that occur at one time. Usually I enjoy this, however because none of the storylines are any good, this tactic just contributes to the general confusion of the film. Underrated actor Esai Morales is completely wasted in this film as a fiancé bickering over how much his wedding is going to cost. Highly original. Not really. And not very funny. Perhaps the worst storyline is the one that features Jason Alexander as a philandering gangster in trouble with the Russian Mob. Again, unfunny, unoriginal, and a total waste of talent. One has to wonder what was going through the minds of these actors as they were reading the abominable script. I also hated the way women were portrayed in this movie. With the exception of Alison Eastwood's character, they come across as alternately desperate, whiny, and clingy, willing to put up with all sorts of abominable behavior from the men in their lives.
Out of the entire cast, only Rob Estes rings even semi-true as the grieving widower who is just looking for a nice girl but is at the same time afraid to love again. The resolution of his storyline, however, (come to think of it, all of them) is abrupt and unsatisfying. Kimberly Williams, so perfect as a smart and enthusiastic young woman in Father of the Bride and its sequel, is completely miscast as a vapid, gum cracking loudmouth. Beware the bad New York stereotypes, which abound throughout the film, just to make absolutely sure that viewers understand that the film takes place in Queens.
Do you really care? Oh well, for the two or three of you out there who might actually like this film, it is presented in a 1.33:1 aspect ratio. The picture and colors are fairly good, but nothing to write home about.
Presented in Dolby Digital 5.1 surround, the sounds quality is quite good. The better to hear the God-awful dialogue with.
Sorry, folks, none to be had here.
I really, really wanted to like this film because of the impressive combination of good actors along with hot tamales like Estes, Murciano, and Morales, but this film is a time-waster. Instead check out another movie with multiple storylines and a great cast that truly delivers: Grand Canyon. The only star How to Go Out on a Date in Queens gets is for its stellar cast.