That's a possible catalog capsule for this SOV custom-kink feature, and it makes it sound mighty tasty, doesn't it. Produced for WAVE (a custom-fetish video company) by William Hellfire and starring Hellfire, Misty Mundae and Tina Krause, this harmlessly horrific piece of erotica ought not to be called a movie. Only by dint of the growing legion of Mundae fans does this cannibal double feature earn a serious release, because those fans will likely plunk down some dollars for any bit of oxide-formulated tape (remastered to DVD) that features the lass's tasty tidbits. If you don't delight in the virtues of Mundae, (a gal off of whom you can bounce quarters, and who is deservedly moving on into 'legitimate' films) or more importantly, if you don't suffer from a cannibal doctor fetish, just go, now.

Extensive liner notes provide plenty of background, without which I would be hard-pressed to understand what I have viewed. WAVE is a production company funded by individual viewers with very specific fetishes, and a desire to see them on film. Likely part of this fetish is based on a need to see people do ridiculous stuff preserved on tape for little money. If liner notes are truthful, each movie on this disc was produced for between 800 and 1800 dollars, and shot in a day. The brio on display totally belies this fact, while all other aspects make it patently obvious. Credit to Hellfire, Mundae and Krause for bringing their A-games to some schlub's stupid fantasy.

Cannibal Doctor follows Mundae as an innocent gal on a weird job interview in the crummiest looking doctor's office you can imagine. (The joke is that Hellfire used a real doctor's office for this and many other shoots.) All sorts of lethargic interview-improprieties ensue, and by 22 minutes we finally get to the closed-eyes deep knee-bends, and ultimately drugged fondling of the 'applicant.' (Not) soon enough she winds up tied to a massage table while red lights flash and crackling noises are heard on the soundtrack. To remind us that she's supposed to be cooking, Mundae offers such elucidating remarks as "it burns." Cut to a satisfied post-meal doctor and wife, and you're done.

Clearly, if you're not down for a 66-minute-long game of whack-a-mole (if you catch my drift) based on your need to see a doctor fondle someone and then ostensibly eat them, then this movie is not for you. If you are part of the .000001% of the population that is into cannibal doctor erotica (and you're not the person who funded this project in the first place) then step on up. Regular Joes and Josies might glean a few sparks of interest and arousal here and there - if not some tips for at-home role-playing later on - but, despite Hellfire's admirable attempts to add art and humor to such a specialized project, pretty much no one should rent or watch this. However the 10 - 20 freaks for which this movie calls may just hit the roof.

But that's not all, because disc two has an additional 81-minute feature called Dinner For Two which is (believe it or not) an almost exact remake of the same subject, filmed but a year later. Possibly the original funders saw enough of what they liked that they decided to modify their laundry list of fetish motifs: more of a naughty schoolgirl look for Mundae, more extensive use of doctor's tools while fondling, and more emphasis on measuring ankles for instance.

Resulting is another non-movie strictly for hardcore fetishists (really, even dyed-in-the-wool Misty Mundae fans will be hitting the fast-forward button for both features) that kicks everything up a half-notch. Emphasizing slightly more the 'women in peril' motif, Dinner For Two also ratchets up spoofy, amusing, self-aware aspects, with lots more comical leering from Hellfire (watch him squish his nose against a window for some laughs) and delightful bitchiness from Krause - even the quality of ad-libbing (I'd be surprised if any formal script existed) is better the second time around. But if you're viewing both movies back to back, erotic massage-wand molestation becomes a bore, while incessant tickle-torture (like most tickling) goes on far too long. Yet still, when acting, it's obvious Mundae and Krause have talent, and it seems everyone had fun, so think of that while you're passing this 2-disc DVD up - maybe your creepy uncle Jerrold will like it.

The DVD

Video:
Both feature were shot on S-VHS and are presented here in their original 1.33:1 ratios, in new digital edits from ½" video masters. To that extent, they both look quite good. For video, skin-tones are relatively natural looking, and colors are pretty strong. The image for both movies is crisp and sharp enough, and mastering is done with care. In maybe two instances it looks like there's a little noise-reduction wobbling, but basically this looks about as good as if you were editing the masters yourself.

Sound:
I'm not sure what type of processing was done for audio tracks that seem to have been recorded from the S-VHS camera's microphone. Dialog levels and quality range from fair to poor, especially when Hellfire is muttering into his chest (which happens a lot). Cannibal Doctor features lots of ultra-low-level opera music that almost seems as if it's bleeding over from an adjacent tape-track, plus some mixed-properly techno-disco for the cooking scene. Music for Dinner For Two has more variety (Jazz!) and seems more conscientiously mixed, but dialog suffers the same fate as in the first feature. At least Mundae and Krause know how to project.

Extras:
Arriving in a standard-sized DVD case with PG-13 rated slipcover and a truly lovely R-rated inside cover (lovely for Mundae fanatics, that is) the Kinky Cannibal Double Feature boasts an Extensive Liner Notes booklet - 15 pages of info, including film historian Ed Grant's assessment of this mini-oeuvre, as well as lengthy and candid interviews with both Mundae and Krause conducted by Robert Weisbrot. This booklet is a must-read before you attempt to watch these movies. Disc One also has a Previews Vault with just two previews, as well as a Factory 2000 Preview Vault with eight lengthy previews (25-minutes total) that highlight the beyond low-rent lunacy of their early features. Disc Two slings plenty more Previews from the Misty Mundae/ Seduction Cinema catalog - 15 of them, for about 30-minutes of titillation and (mental) torture. Check out the preview of My Vampire Lover for a boob-job nightmare.

Final Thoughts:
Functionally, Cannibal Doctor and Dinner For Two were never meant to be seen by a wide audience (ostensibly they were made to be seen only by those who funded the production). While Cannibal Doctor provides some tips on how to extend arousal through lengthy and leisurely role-play, it's viewing for only one purpose (onanism) and for an extremely small number of people. Mundae gives it her all, as she always does, (and is adorable, too) but those looking for something with even the barest rudiments of plot, story or acting (such as other Seduction Cinema movies 'provide') should take a pass. Dinner For Two raises the game a hair, but it's the same movie, and the same caveats apply. I'm at a loss as to how to rate this DVD, so I'm asking you to use your judgment, but in the sane world of modern movie-goers, there's no question that you should Skip It.

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