The Movie:

From the director of 13 Erotic Ghosts and Curse Of The Komodo comes... Teen Boxer? Really? The same guy who made that horrible softcore lesbian sex film and that bad killer lizard movie also churns out remarkably safe though equally bad family fare? Writer/director Richard Gabai, you are a multifaceted and unpredictable creative force, that much is for sure.

Better known under the title of Kickboxing Academy (the title under which it played a few times on cable) in the nineties, this is basically a horrible, cliché ridden mess of a film. Doubtless, some will find it amusing in its absolute awfulness, but those poor twisted souls will likely be few and far between. The plot, such as it is, concerns a young man who has left his karate school but is called back when they need his mad skills to beat another local karate school of the nasty, villainous variety. If they loose, the bad guys win the school. Our hero is hesitant to get back in the ring, however, as the last time he got involved in something like this someone got really hurt. If he doesn't man up and throw down, however, all his pals are going to lose their beloved karate school and they'll probably wind up on the streets selling their bodies for crack or something (as opposed to just finding another school, which would be the logical conclusion).

Notice that the word 'kickboxing' was never used in the plot synopsis up there? That's because there isn't any kickboxing in this movie. There's some karate, and most of it is on the level of what you'd see at an introductory YMCA class, but there's no kickboxing anywhere to be seen in this turd of a film. What this movie does have, however, is a cast of annoying teenage boys, each one a veritable movie cliché - there's a skinny nerdy kid, a fat kid, a cool kid - they're all here. The bad guys are just as 'original,' particularly the evil sensei who sits somewhere between Joe Piscipo and the guy who played the leader of the Kobra Kai clan in The Karate Kid.

Shot in and around Miami, the movie does have some nice looking locations when it ventures outside long enough for the audience to enjoy them, but spends a lot of time padding out forty-five minutes worth of story by adding completely unnecessary shots of kids on skateboards, random people who look like they're on vacation just strolling around town doing nothing and lots of clips of kids practicing karate (not kickboxing). The fight scenes are tepid, the acting even worse, and the soundtrack is just as bad.

It all leads up to a completely ridiculous ending, even by bad movie standards...

SPOILERS:

...where the bad guy pulls a gun on the crowd gathered to watch the final fight, firing blindly into the air like a madman but not actually hitting anyone. The camera angel switches and he's holding a completely different gun, then it switches again and he's holding the first gun again. He gets taken down by a kid with one punch and everyone lives happily ever after.

END SPOILERS:

So yeah, it's that kind of movie.... And one of the bad guys looks like Sammy Hagar, possibly the worst offence the film could possibly make.

The Video:

Teen Boxer is presented in a 1.33.1 fullframe transfer that looks to present the film in its original aspect ratio as the compositions all seem to be intact. The picture is interlaced but otherwise more or less problem free. Color reproduction is decent enough and skin tones look lifelike and natural. Detail levels won't floor you but all things considered the movie looks alright. There aren't any compression artifacts or edge enhancement problems worth writing about and print damage is never over powering even if you'll probably notice some minor specks here and there.

The Audio:

The English language Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo track on this DVD isn't going to blow you away but it sounds decent enough. Dialogue stays clear from start to finish and there are no problems to report with any distortion even if you might notice a bit of background hiss once or twice if you really listen for it. The levels are properly balanced and generally the movie sounds just fine. No alternate language dubs or subtitles have been provided on this release.

The Extras:

Aside from a menu and a website link, the only extra on this DVD is the film's trailer which appears here under with the alternate (and more appropriate) title of Kickboxing Academy.

Overall:

Teen Boxer is a bad movie, even by bad movie standards. The acting is atrocious, the fight scenes are horrible, and it really has nothing worthwhile to offer making it tough to enjoy even on a 'so bad its good level.' Retromedia's DVD looks and sounds about as good as you'd expect it to given the film's low budget origins, but that doesn't make it any easier to sit through. Skip it, unless you're a real glutton for punihsment.

Ian lives in NYC with his wife where he writes for DVD Talk, runs Rock! Shock! Pop!. He likes NYC a lot, even if it is expensive and loud.