With dour narration, we delve into those unsavory places (or: unsavoury, if you will) where adults like to have fun. But first, we must contend with pointed commentary on life in contemporary London, involving such outré incidents as kids in uniforms going to school. Further explaining the vagaries of life in the big city, video of a weird old bum playing a pennywhistle on a street corner will assault your eyes, as well as the ears of passers by. As my notes mention, the pennywhistle man is really asking for trouble.

Other items of interest, most of which boast production values that reflect a budget suitable only for decking out your basement as a cheap bar, (which is what pretty much every location used for this movie looks like anyway) take you on a mad journey to places like a health club. This club is full of slightly doughy women looking extremely uncomfortable as they strap into machines designed to melt cellulite away with a vigorous wiggle. If that doesn't give you the vapors, how about gawking at some beatniks eating cat food.

Surely, this is a document from a time when old-guard English adults hadn't the slightest clue what was going on, while youngsters learned how to party and advance their culture. Yet in amongst these staged scenes of revelry and rebellion, lies one scene so far out there in the land of cringe-inducing disgust, so misguided and questionable, that it has to be seen (but shouldn't be) to be believed. Yes, shot in the same dodgy way as fake scenes of beatniks eating cat food, is what can only be understood as an authentic hair-plug implantation surgery. Why this scene had to be included, and why it's shot as if it were a back alley abortion, is anyone's guess. But let me tell you, if you've ever wondered how tightly you can clench your buttocks, just enjoy these scenes of a surreptitious doctor/nurse team jabbing razor-sharp straw-like things into the numbed scalp of some poor sap, only so they can pop out little plugs of scalp and hair, and you'll begin to realize that Kegel exercises are a thing of the past.

Primitive London
Primitive London hopes to up the ante on leering, disingenuous sleaze created by director Arnold L. Miller, while maintaining the same arch tone from London In The Raw. (Though in truth, no one, ever, will top the hair-plugs scene.) This time around we're treated to a little primer on the types of kids lurking about London in the mid-'60s, including those rockers, mods, and beatniks we all remember so fondly. Next up is some music from an unknown band called The Zephyrs, and a reenactment of a Jack The Ripper murder, because it's obvious that Jack The Ripper was active in the 1960s. Or it could just be because those murders were sleazy and happened in London ... Primitive London.

Wife swapping, health routines, and other aspects of daily life, or, I mean, the seedy underground, or both, are trotted out for our amusement and scorn. Ultimately, if it involved skin or human bodies, it was likely to be perceived as naughty by the Brits, or something, and thus, when expedient, was shoehorned into movies like this. Brits too cautious to go straight for the hard stuff could gawk at mondo movies like Primitive London under the auspices of education, albeit prurient education. Endless burlesque dance sequences butt up against scenes from a slaughterhouse. Topless swimsuit models share space with judo lessons, and so on. It's like a Master's Degree in random exploitation.

While paying lip-service to notions of narrative cohesion, even a theme or moral here and there, it's clear these documentaries existed simply to show sights you wouldn't have been able to see back then. If the narration is able to sneak in a chiding tone, all the better. But other than that horrific hair-plug procedure, there's nothing here that would shock today's viewers. There's much to provide shameful, nostalgia-laced chuckles, however, and Anglophiles should be extra pleased.

The DVD

Video:
Both features are presented in a 1.33:1 fullframe aspect ratio, and look quite good for their age and standing. Overall, the images are fairly crisp, enjoy tasteful levels of film grain, and are relatively damage free. Colors look natural and seedy black levels are deep.

Sound:
Dolby Digital 2.0 Stereo Audio tracks for each feature are in equally good condition. Audio is defiantly mid-range, but everything comes through clearly. Dialog is understandable and free of distortion.

Extras:
This double feature on a single-sided DVD is free of extras other than Chapter Stops.

Final Thoughts:
These mid-'60s British mondo documentaries aren't as shocking as mondo-enthusiasts have come to expect, (then again, there's that hair-plug procedure, stomach churning even in memory) but they are emblematic of the genre, and a enjoy a distinctly haughty tone. Scenes of strippers, dancers, housewives exercising, wild youth, Jack The Ripper, graphic childbirth - and anything else that would goose an English couple looking for quasi-legitimate thrills - are displayed, faked, and beaten into the ground. Fans of the genre who haven't yet seen these will find, at least, a healthy Rent It proposition.

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