Short Takes

VICTORY OVER VHS OBLIVION! Continued vigilance nets another capture after 35 weeks among CineSchlock-O-Rama's Most Wanted.

A lovelorn beanpole (Patrick Dempsey) in need of college tuition, should he ever hope to reunite with his SoCal squeeze (Nancy Valen), lands a summer gig delivering for Senor Pizza who requires he don a hysterical phony mustache whilst behind the wheel of their sombrero-topped Jeep. Could've been a L-O-N-G summer indeed if not for a chance meeting with a comely fashionesta (Barbara Carrera) and wouldbe madame who inexplicably figures the kid's got just the right jiggy to make it as a gigolo. Soon wink-wink orders of "extra anchovies" elevate our unlikely stud to "Love Doctor of Beverly Hills" status being paw'd by neglected Hollywood housewives played by the lingerie'd likes of Carrie Fisher and Kirstie Alley (roughly 496 pounds ago). This full tilt, ahem, screwball comedy is all giggles 'n' hanky panky -- at 200 clams a pie -- until MOM phones in an order! CineSchlockers familiar with Ms. Valen's later "Baywatch" babeage will certainly sympathize with our hero's earnestness despite the obvious benefits of this summer of love. What might not be as widely known is Mr. Dempsey's real life bride at the time was 27 YEARS his senior. Talk about researching a character! No breasts. Gratuitous spit take. Kung fu foreplay. Tangoing. Gratuitous "Our son's a fruit!" subplot. Hawaiian bar brawl. Slapstick schtick. Ms. Carrera's worldly "Alexandra" makes her move: "Don't worry, I'm not going to bite you. Not over coffee, anyway." (1989, 99 mins, 1.85:1 anam, DD 2.0, Trailers.)