All for one and one for all! The Three Musketeers, heroes of many of an escapade on the silver screen, are back, this time in a Hallmark TV mini-series that's been repackaged as a film for DVD. Only the original three are getting on in years, so the torch has been passed to the next generation, most notably Valentine (Susie Amy), the talented daughter of D'Artagnan (Michael York). Having received the best of training from her illustrious father, Valentine sets off to Paris, along with the sons of the other Three Musketeers, to earn a place as a Musketeer for King Louis XIV. Not surprisingly, the young protagonists are soon drawn into a complicated plot involving international intrigue.

La Femme Musketeer has its charms, which can mostly be summed up in describing its protagonists: we have an appealing and nicely self-reliant heroine in Valentine, along with an amiable supporting cast who appear to be having a good time (especially Michael York). In fact, if the film had run 90 minutes instead of a ludicrously long 170 minutes, it would probably stand reasonably well as a lightweight, fun romp. Unfortunately, it really is too long, and by the time the third hour starts, the weight of the melodramatic plot, with its cookie-cutter bad guys, has made it sag noticeably.

There's not a whole lot to La Femme Musketeer, other than a pleasant cast and a touch of comedy to liven up the melodrama. The film proceeds with a carefree lack of attention to historical accuracy. Given the generally lighthearted "fluff" feel of the program, that's not too surprising, but it's a bit regrettable anyway, as it's more an indication that the filmmakers couldn't be bothered than a deliberate playful touch.

Unfortunately, another thing the filmmakers weren't bothered with was getting a proper fight choreographer. The swordfights are awful. Not just a bit lame, or overly theatrical, but actively terrible. I'm a fencer, and I have an eye for good (and bad) fight scenes; watching the fights in La Femme Musketeer was the equivalent of hearing fingernails scraped across a chalkboard. The moves are blatantly staged, with the actors vigorously attacking each others' blades and twirling around, and there's nothing even remotely resembling actual fencing technique in either footwork or bladework. The director has tried to dress this disaster up by using little camera tricks like speeding up the film, which just looks bizarre and actually emphasizes how terrible the fencing is. I wouldn't normally call so much attention to this, but in La Femme Musketeer, sword fights are a staple of the plot, occurring at regular intervals and often lasting for a long time. Memo to directors: if swordfighting is going to be a main attraction of your production, please hire a competent fencing instructor and fight choreographer. We can tell when you don't.

The DVD

Video

La Femme Musketeer appears in the 1.33:1 aspect ratio, which is its original aspect ratio as far as I was able to tell. Overall, it's a decent transfer that comes in at a touch over average. The image is pleasant to look at, though contrast is a bit harsh at times, and colors tend to be a bit on the dark side. Some grain and edge enhancement also creeps in.

Audio

The Dolby 2.0 audio track is adequate but nothing more; La Femme Musketeer could have benefited from either a surround mix or simply a better 2.0 track. The dialogue is generally clear, though it's muffled on a few occasions and a bit tinny when voices are raised. The sound overall tends to be slightly flat.

Extras

There are no special features.

Final thoughts

There are worse made-for-TV miniseries out there, and La Femme Musketeer at least has the standout point of an assertive and realistically drawn female protagonist. If the premise sounds like fun (either to you or your kids) then La Femme Musketeer is probably worth a rental.