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It's Alive: SE
VICTORY OVER VHS OBLIVION! The vigilance of CineSchlock-O-Rama's Most Wanted has garnered Larry Cohen's homicidal-hellion chiller It's Alive after an agonizing 132 WEEKS!!! Better still, the incomparable Mr. Cohen not only provides commentary for the belated box office smash, he opines over all THREE installments yielding what amounts to a master's course in exploitation filmmaking! Learn trade secrets such as do-it-yourself title design, building an acting company and hornswoggling the Hollywood establishment. Find out how silly Bobby DeNiro looks in a yamaka. Discover maestro Bernhard Herman's lighter side. Marvel at what sci-fi masterpiece inspired Rick Baker's mutant baby design. Plus, all manner of other entertaining insights that just get richer with each track!
Now here's an absolute must-own for any self-respecting CineSchlocker! Every expectant parent's nightmare brews schlock gold when nature goes mighty astray with the Davies baby. He pops outta his mama's womb grotesquely disfigured and ferociously steamed about it. Then the foam-rubber tyke savagely attacks and murders the delivery room attendants before lamming it into the cold, cruel world in search of someone to love his ugly mug -- and change his nappy! Terrific killer-baby cam footage wobbles throughout the picture as bodies pile up in generous pools of the red stuff. Take when the little fella crawls into an unsuspecting milkman's truck and wets the pavement with an almost artful mixture of moo juice and blood! John Ryan and Sharon Farrell are our understandably FREAKIFIED parents. She's pretty much driven certifiable by the experience. He's out to save his PR gig by filling the family "monstrosity" full of holes. Thankfully, this potential grisly father-son reunion takes a more tender turn in the depths of the Los Angeles storm drains. (Wonder if he ran into the giant ants from Them! down there?) CineSchlockers should note the pages of Variety recently goo-goo'd with Mr. Cohen's plans for an It's Alive remake and his audio commentary suggests New York City as this next generation's expected birthplace.
No breasts. 13 corpses. Mournful toothbrushing. Gratuitous Gabby Hayes impression. Multiple shotgun blasts. Pinata attack. Comical guns-drawn-on-defenseless-infant gag. Leering press. Mangled kitty. Bitch slapping. Swarming squad cars. If mama only knew: "WHAT DOES MY BABY LOOK LIKE!?! WHAT'S WRONG WITH MY BABY!?!"
1973, 91 mins, 1.85:1 anam, DD mono, Commentary, Trailers.
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G. Noel Gross is a Dallas graphic designer and avowed Drive-In Mutant who specializes in scribbling B-movie reviews. Noel is inspired by Joe Bob Briggs and his gospel of blood, breasts and beasts.