The Movie
When I found out I would be reviewing Spanish Fly, I got excited, thinking it was the 2003 indie flick shot in real time. Then my hopes were dashed upon the rocks of bad movies. Instead of an interesting story, I received a mainstream romantic comedy disguised as an independent movie, written and directed by Harvey Keitel's wife, Daphna Kastner (Julia Has Two Lovers), who's also the star of the show. Every heard of a three-time loser? You have now. Myself, I was a two-time loser, as I had to watch this movie twice, after falling asleep an hour in, the first time. There really is almost two films going on here, a result of confusing feminism for character development.

If this movie was intended as a parody of feminism, then it worked pretty well. But I severely doubt that was the intention, as the movie takes it's protagonist Zoe (Kastner) way too seriously to poke fun at her. A writer of some note (note enough to get into Vanity Fair), Zoe gets an advance from a publisher to research a book on the male machismo. Unable to manage a real relationship, she decides to try in Spain, the land of legendary lovers. She has an ulterior motive, but that's not revealed until much later, and it's doubtful you'd really care at that point. A bookish wallflower, she is the now-cliché movie female in glasses and a bun, whose sexuality is unleashed with a pair of contacts and some curlers. But that's only one reason to hate this faux intellectual/feminist.

Zoe is also the feminist who dislikes men, but actually can't control herself when one pays interest to her. Whether it's her hot-to-trot translator, Antonio (Toni Cantó, in his only English-speaking role to date), a lusty bullfighter named Julio (Antonio Castro, similarly virgin to English films) or Carl (Martin Donovan, Saved!), an American expatriate she actually knew in college, a simple glance or mention of sex is enough to make her quiver, a reaction Kastner subtlely shows through over-the-top editing. But then, subtle is not in Kastner's vocabulary, English or Spanish, as every important point is hammered home with a visual sledgehammer. For example, when characters are having trouble communicating, their phone breaks. It's the stuff of college film festivals. It's touches like these that exhibit little confidence in the audience being able to pick up small details, and ends up with a ham-handed film.

I knew this movie wasn't working when I began hoping Zoe would fail at every turn. That was approximately five minutes into the movie. It's another 56 minutes before the moral of the movie is spoken by one of the few likable characters, cementing this film as badly-written, only to make unintentional mention of that fact a minute later. But by then I was asleep. If you are lucky, you'll never get there, because the plot spins quite out of control from there, and holding on requires more effort than you really should invest in a film like this. It's truly a waste of your time to watch this confusing mess. The ridiculous philosophies, the questionable character motivation, the awful dialogue...it all adds up to an insult to your intelligence.

The DVD
Another in a long-line of Miramax bare-bones releases, Spanish Fly arrives on DVD with blah static (though anamorphic widescreen) menus, with nothing in the way of extras, unless you want to count the self-congratulatory promo you're forced to chapter skip through at the beginning of the disc. You don't even get the trailer. Scene selections and captions and subtitles options are available from this screen. The packaging is a simple keepcase.

The Quality
The quality of the anamorphic widescreen video is decent, with well-reproduced color, proper skintones and good detail. The close-ups on Julio's face are so well-done in terms of detail that they are disturbing. The film has too much dirt and too many scratches for a DVD presentation, though. Occasionally, the movie suffers from softness as well. The audio, a so-so stereo 2.0 mix, does what it has to, delivering the dialogue clearly, while adding in some atmospheric sound effects, including the omnipresent fly.

The Extras
There is...ah, how you say...ah yes...none. An apology would have been nice.

The Bottom Line
A bare-bones presentation of a bare-bones movie makes for an experience you can skip. I find it amazing that this movie was made before Kastner's marriage to Keitel, as it has all the earmarks of a bad vanity project foisted upon a studio by one of its stars. But no...it was much more misguided than that. Keep moving...nothing to see here except some film-school experimentation and a weak and often confused script.

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*The Reviewer's Bias section is an attempt to help readers use the review to its best effect. By knowing where the reviewer's biases lie on the film's subject matter, one can read the review with the right mindset.