Speakeasy (2002) is the hardest kind of film to write about. At best, it's a passable character study with a thin premise. At worst, it's nothing special, and much too ordinary to really grab your attention and hold it. Instead, it wallows in itself for 86 minutes, leaving the viewer without much to remember it by.

Here's the aforementioned thin premise: Bruce Hickman (David Strathairn, L.A. Confidential) is a children's musician who's really down on his luck. Much of his free time is spent looking after his deaf father-in-law, who has been all but forgotten by Hickman's irritating wife (Stacy Edwards, Driven). After a minor car accident involving pawn-shop owner Frank Marnikov (Nicky Katt, Secondhand Lions), the two men quickly become friends...especially after we learn that Marnikov has a deaf daughter. Through this coincidence, each party discovers a few secrets about their respective past, attempting to right a few wrongs in the process.

That's it.

Again, it's a story that's too ordinary for its own good. To make matters worse, Speakeasy doesn't exactly flow well from scene to scene, often times leaving the viewer scratching their head in confusion and/or disbelief. Even with a few decent acting performances scattered about, it's a film based on unbelievable, unlikely coincidences, rarely making much of an effort to follow up with worthwhile conclusions. It's not the kind of film you'd walk out of early, but you'd still wonder why you paid for a ticket in the first place.

Speakeasy is labeled as a "Project Greenlight" film. For the unfamiliar, "Project Greenlight" is a quasi-annual film contest created by Ben Affleck and Matt Damon, who shared something of a rags-to-riches story with their screenplay for Good Will Hunting. The first contest---held in 2002---had over 7,000 entries, with top honors going to the equally-bland Stolen Summer. Speakeasy came in second. There's an election joke in there somewhere, but I can't quite put my finger on it.

Miramax certainly didn't think too highly of the silver medalist, leaving it floundering for roughly three years---even bypassing a theatrical release---and serving up a bland DVD presentation that's hardly worth the wait. Although I've seen many films that are much worse than Speakeasy, it's certainly not a standout and deserves a rental at the absolute most. To add fuel to the fire, the aforementioned bland DVD presentation includes a lackluster technical presentation, no extras, and a $30 price tag. Against all better judgement, let's see how this disc stacks up, shall we?

I had to clean my glasses after the first few minutes of Speakeasy, and was somewhat disappointed to learn they weren't dirty in the first place. This overly soft and murky 1.78:1 anamorphic transfer isn't a great effort, making no effort to hide the film's low-budget roots. Outdoor scenes fare much better, offering some of the only genuinely pleasing visual moments overall. I've seen worse, but I was expecting much more from a major studio release (yes, even Miramax, a company not exactly known for stellar DVD transfers).

The 5.1 Dolby Surround Sound mix is a step in the right direction, though it's still not much more involving than your average dialogue-driven drama. The majority of the film's soundstage is anchored squarely up front, though moments of ambience creep into the rear channels on occasion. There's also English captions for the deaf and hearing impaired---whose exclusion would have been the ultimate irony---and Spanish and French subtitles for the English impaired.

Apparently, Miramax had no clue about how to market Speakeasy for the DVD masses either, as the front cover makes the film out to be a lusty, romantic tour-de-force where Hickman and wife "lived each moment with passion" (their words, not mine). The back cover promises "extraordinary and uplifting entertainment", which led me to believe I received the wrong packaging for the disc. The inside of the packaging promises...nothing, because there's no insert. At least the menus are more truthful, offering a simple collage-like design that's easy to navigate. The 86-minute film has been divided into 12 chapters, and no layer change was detected during playback.

As a film, Speakeasy isn't exactly my idea of time well spent. The thin plot and uneven pacing make for a forgettable viewing experience---although a few of the performances aren't half bad---but Miramax's DVD offers little more than a passable sound mix. If you're absolutely intrigued by the film's premise, I'd suggest a rental at best. For the other 99% of the DVD buying public, I offer these sage words of advice: Skip It.