THE STRAIGHT DOPE:
I knew I was in trouble right away when I noticed that the fine print on the cover of Xena: Girls Just Wanna Have Fun stated "The image depicted here is not from this episode." In fact Girls Just Wanna Have Fun isn't an episode of the soon-to-be-off-the-air cult show at all but rather a computer animated mini-movie that allows the user to choose the outcomes of certain scenes. More importantly, however, it is the only Xena production that will probably never see the inside of The Meow Mix.

Discussing why this presentation is terrible is almost pointless. The animation ranges from amateurish to pathetic, the story is nonsense, and the interactivity is limited to sword-or-wrestle style choices. The interactive elements are so sparse that it's basically a lie to call this a game. (In fact, for some reason fast-forwarding and rewinding have been disabled, so this disc actually has LESS interactivity than your average DVD.)

The story and the manner in which it is told are equally childish. Giant spiders jump from behind bushes and disco dance sequences begin and end with no rhyme or reason. The only memorable (albeit stupid) line was spoken to a disembodied head with an itchy scalp: "Scratch it yourself, head boy!" You see what kind of material we're talking about here.

Now, I'm no Xena expert (although I'll readily admit to having seen a few episodes of the buxom adventures), so I thought I'd see what the fine folks over at alt.tv.xena had to say. Here are a couple of comments:

Yeah, it's rubbish! It's NOT a DVD either, people keep calling it that. It's a cd-rom game. You can also get Death in Chains, which I hear is equally poor. - C O'Grady

yes, i would have to say.... I HATE IT!! I watched it as well, and it does not give the show XWP any justice at all. Please don't tell me this is what we will have to result to when XWP is gone... I'll just have to stick to the reruns... bummer! - Althea+

VIDEO:
The "transfer" on this disc is not really a transfer. The animation was created on a computer, rendered on a computer, and written to DVD on a computer. This is the same process as some recent Pixar releases (remember that Bug's Life claim: "First all-digital transfer!" Except those guys know how to use the software.) However, the animation is terrible. I watched it with some colleagues who happen to be professional 3d animators and they chuckled throughout at the low-res textures and blocky geometry. This sort of modeling would almost be acceptable in pre-Playstation 2 video games where the real-time rendering would require simpler models and occasional weirdness (like characters passing through walls) but in a completed video where all the rendering is done at the authoring stage it is unforgivable. That this disc is being sold as PS2 compatible is a joke. PS2 users especially will laugh at the choppy motion and limited interactivity.

AUDIO:
I guess I have to give something of a favorable rating. It is Dolby Digital and has some punch. But it isn't in service of anything worthwhile.

EXTRAS:
There are no extras, unless finishing the adventure yields some, in which case I'll never see them.

FINAL THOUGHTS:
If anyone is laboring under the impression that this is the future of filmmaking they are out of their minds. Compared to the effects detailed on the second disc of Fight Club the animation here is embarrassing. This disc is nothing more than a cheap attempt to cash in on a popular show.

Gil Jawetz is a graphic designer, video director, and t-shirt designer. He lives in Brooklyn.