The Plot:
Nigel is a British ex-patriot laying low in Copenhagen. He is married to a closet heroin addict and there are hints that he left behind a major criminal past (and an untold price on his head) when he went into exile. Desperate for cash (wifey is in constant need of a secret fix) all this English twit seems capable of doing is smoking a lot. Still, he gets a tip from a pub pal, and it's not long before Nigel's working for an enigmatic crime boss, holding the mobster's porn inventory in his dour, dim flat for safekeeping.

While initially pissed, Nigel's better half soon could care less - she's got junk money now! Hard up for a little non-smack oriented slap and tickle, our hero hooks up with Tanya, one of his boss's "escorts". Their torrid affair threatens to undermine everything Nigel is trying to protect. When offered a chance to make $50,000 large in exchange for a little kidnapping, Nigel naturally balks. But with his debts demanding redress, and his better half baking a new bun in her oven, he sees no choice. This final act of criminality will hopefully be Nigel's Last eXit out of his dismal, dark life - or it could swallow him forever.

The DVD:
There is so much wrong with Last eXit, so many cinematic facets that fail miserably, that picking out each and every one of them would take far to long and waste way too many words. Just let it be said that David Noel Bourke's attempted crime thriller/psychological character study is about as suspenseful as a high colonic and equally unsatisfying. Not even the cold, dismal locale (a seemingly sun-less Denmark drenched in greasy, grimy rain) or hand held camera styling could invest this drama with any manner of emotion or emphasis.

This is unfocused, passive filmmaking at its very worst, an attempt by a wannabe filmmaker to fashion a deeply affective movie out of mood, camera angles and unusual editing/post-production techniques. While it's hard to argue with the way the movie looks - if you like yours on the doomy and gloomy side, this movie will definitely amp your angst - and Bourke does try to incorporate some cleverness into his already too familiar storyline, it doesn't really help. The results are still inert, without any internal energy or noticeable narrative drive.

The main problem with this filmic offal is the lack of agreeable characters. Sure, we can be made to root for an anti-hero, and will allow a villain to become our cinematic champion on occasion. But there is absolutely no one in this artificial mess that we can identify or empathize with. Beginning from the outside in, many of the ancillary people populating this movie are faceless, featureless voids - unless you consider being addicted to nicotine and incessantly sucking on cigarettes personality traits. The coffin stick characterization carries over to our lead, who appears about as British as a conquistador. With a seemingly dopey wide-eyed expression permanently plastered across his mug, and a smoldering butt constantly hanging from his bottom lip, we see nothing in Nigel that's compelling or clear.

His wife is a waste of space, a heroin addict who shows no visible emotion, not even when she's praying to the porcelain gods. The whore with the cleavage of gold, Tanya, is a schizo as sex kitten. One moment she's hot and bothered, the next she's having a nervous breakdown over Nigel's lack of commitment. Between the Russian pot dealer who speaks about the purpose of life in pseudo-scientific philosophical couplets (the perfect sedative for those looking for a good nights sleep) to the crime boss whose entire personality derives from his bald cueball appearance, and you've got a crew so motley that Tommy Lee would find them vacuous and unappealing.

Then there is the script. Bourke obviously believes that the only way for characters to interact is either in clipped, single syllable words, or in long, involved soliloquies. His idea of action is to have Nigel wander the streets of Copenhagen aimlessly, camera following his every move in a tightly held, perfectly centered medium shot. Every time that our Soviet sage opens his yap, the movie stops DEAD (not bad for an already inactive entity). Instead of cutting away, or finding the inner truth in the tirades and focusing on that, Bourke is so enamored with his own words that he just lets the dude ramble...and ramble...and ramble. The connection between these scenes and the actual story is specious at best. They tend to confirm a director's personal proclivities more than a set narrative design.

With its sloppy, scattered storytelling, inability to create compelling, interesting characters, lack of real emotional or intellectual spark and a decided downward spiral on the interest level, this is a resounding failure fancied up with exotic locales and crass camcorder techniques. Perhaps working with a bigger budget, or a far better script (which he did not write!), Bourke could deliver something entertaining and engaging. But what we have here is self-indulgent dung gussied up with a new kind of indie filmmaking conceit. Trouble is, no amount of aesthetic tampering could save this stunted showcase.

The Video:
As said before, Last eXit doesn't look bad. Indeed, the 1.33:1 full screen image is all overcast skies, dull gray buildings and occasional neon accents. The indoor scenes are either underlit or overly bright, and director Bourke will, on occasion, process his shots to heighten the color or suppress the sharpness. We do get some grain - especially in the denseness of the Denmark twilight - and with all the light-based logistics, there is some flaring and bleeding. Still, the best thing about this otherwise awful movie is the way is looks.

The Audio:
There is a very strange aspect to this production that really makes no sense to this critic. Instead of using a European style score - something based in electronica or the more popular world music ethic - Bourke opts for some incredibly average, seemingly America alternative rock. We get lots of shoe-gazing gals singing about long lost loves and acoustic guitar noodling where a throbbing drum-n-bass undercurrent would have worked much better. Also, no matter how hard it tries, the Dolby Digital Stereo cannot save the almost constantly indecipherable dialogue. Yes, this is camcorder mic recording at its most inconsistent. We literally go from an unintelligible whisper to a completely distorted scream in this aurally inconsistent mess.

The Extras:
Heretic Films tries its best to flesh out this cinematic cesspool, but even the added content is monotonous. An audio commentary featuring Bourke and stars Morten Vogelius and Peter Ottesen is self-serving and arrogant, the deleted sequences add nothing to the film, the extended scenes make matters worse, and the Making-Of behind the scenes featurette arrives without subtitles, which makes it tough to understand what the Danish cast and crew are saying most of the time. Along with some trailers, there is very little here that is compelling.

Final Thoughts:
Nothing about Last eXit is remotely recommendable. Even when it takes a third act swerve over into violence and gore territory, it is far too little bloodletting way to late in the game. Films fans who like challenging, unusual outsider fare will be hard pressed to endure this slow, static excuse for a drama. For those who may be intrigued by the premise (or the oddly glowing reviews given to the film by other critics all over the 'Net), an initial rental will suffice. But for everyone else, this monotonous mess definitely deserves a "Skip It". Unless your insomnia is acting up, or your cardiologist recommends a heavy sedative for your out of control blood pressure, there is no reason to experience Last eXit. It is a uniquely unappealing movie.

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