Amid its histrionics about S&M, God and cocaine, London deserves credit for one oddity: It is audacious enough to set most of its action in a bathroom. Considering how crappy much of this movie is, you've got to admire its moxie for putting itself in such close proximity to a working toilet.

In this excruciating drama, self-pity replaces conflict and drugs supplant pathos. The story revolves around Syd (a nearly unrecognizable Chris Evans), a dope-smoking and coke-snorting mess who appears to be falling apart because his girlfriend, the lovely and elusive London (Jessica Biel), dumped him two months earlier. When Syd learns that London is about to move across the country with her new boyfriend, Syd resolves to crash her going-away party. He arrives at the shindig, which is at a posh Manhattan high-rise, in tow with Bateman (Jason Statham), an easily agitated Brit who has just sold cocaine to Syd.

From this setup, first-time writer-director Hunter Richards ostensibly wants to examine the psychological scars of relationships and how those wounds inform our views of God, spirituality and the like. Alas, such introspection would be a lot more interesting if the movie included a single character worthy of our attention.

Syd is morose, belligerent and self-absorbed -- traits that, we learn in flashbacks, applied to him even before he and London broke up. Bateman fares slightly better, thanks chiefly to Statham's charisma. And as for London? She is little more than a MacGuffin made flesh (although Jessica Biel is admittedly choice flesh), a plot contrivance that allows Syd to throw tantrums and snort more cocaine than a gaggle of supermodels on a diet.

Despite sleek cinematography and fine production values, London can't shake what essentially feels like a very bad stage play. In a spacious marble bathroom overlooking Manhattan, Syd and Bateman spit out coke-addled monologues about impotence, penis size and whether there is a God, with periodic interruptions from lissome Joy Bryant and Kelli Garner as sexy cokeheads.

Love hurts. Yeah, we get it. But Syd and London aren't exactly poster children for love gone wrong. Rote flashbacks make it clear that the pair had a pretty damned dysfunctional relationship from the get-go. By the time Syd finally works up the courage to confront London at the party, you're more apt to care about the movie coming to a close rather than whether these unlikable bores will patch things up.

The 2.35:1 anamorphic widescreen is of excellent quality. Free of grain or noise, the image is clean and rich and nicely conveys the sleek blacks and silvers in Jo Willems' cinematography.

The English track is in Dolby Digital 5.1, while French audio is available in Dolby Digital 2.0 Surround. Subtitles are also available in English and French. Aside from a little inconsistency in the volume of voices, the audio is tip-top, as they say. But crisp sound can be a double-edged sword. Sadly, the profanity-laced dialogue (nothing says angst like a couple hundred F-bombs) is all too easy to hear.

You've got to give the filmmakers props for celebrating this mediocrity. A commentary track with writer-director Hunter Richards and co-producer Ross Weinberg (who says very little) is serviceable but not exactly revelatory. We do learn, however, that Chris Evans wore a wig throughout the movie -- for whatever that's worth.

London: Behind the Scenes is a nearly nine-minute featurette about the making of the movie. The principal actors are interviewed, with the notable exception of Statham.

There are four deleted scenes that add little to our appreciation of London. In fact, one scene involves two characters, who don't even appear in the final cut, talking at a bar. The supplementary material doesn't offer an explanation for the scene, which is a little irritating. Oh, who am I kidding? It's all irritating.

The DVD includes previews for the following: Underworld: Evolution, When a Stranger Calls, The Squid & the Whale, The Tenants, Where the Truth Lies, National Lampoon Presents Barely Legal, Pretty Persuasion, The Baxter, 8mm 2, Lila Says and Sex and the Teenage Mind.

Let me just leave you with this impromptu children's ditty:

I saw London
It's full of rants
But at least I saw Jessica Biel
In her underpants