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Van Helsing (HD DVD)
Universal // PG-13 // May 23, 2006 // Region 0
List Price: $34.98 [Buy now and save at Amazon]
The good? Kate Beckinsale and Josie Maran in high-definition.
The bad? Yeah, that'd be pretty much everything else.
I dug Stephen Sommers's spin on The Mummy. It's a summer
blockbuster in the lean-back-and-munch-on-popcorn tradition, sporting a slew of elaborate special effects sequences, gobs of action, and a breezy sense of humor. It's exactly the sort of movie it sets out to be, and there's nothing wrong with having a couple hours of unpretentious fun. The downside to a director having a couple of consecutive colossal hits is that the studios loosen the leash a bit and let them overindulge, and Van Helsing, Sommers' latest reimagining of the classic Universal monsters, is a two hour collection of everything people bitch about summer tentpoles: bloated, non-sensical, overreliant on awkward, cartoonish CGI effects, and insultingly dumb.
The plot kind of gets buried in the unrelenting barrage of action, but it goes something like this: Dracula and his three brides have had thousands upon thousands of children over the centuries, but dead guy plus dead woman equals dead babies. He funds the experiments of Dr. Frankenstein (gives him a castle and everything!) in the hopes of giving his cocooned offspring life, but at the moment of triumph, the Transylvanians grab their torches and pitchforks, and the good doctor's newly-risen creature escapes during the ensuing siege. Enter amnestic, Vatican-endorsed monster slayer Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman). He's dispatched to Transylvania to protect Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale), the last of a proud line of gypsy warriors, and...there's some curse about not being able to enter heaven or something, but anyway, shrug off all of the pointless subplots and it boils down to "don't let Anna get herself killed" and "find a way to kill Dracula".
Actually, nix that. Here's
a better summary: there's a big, loud, dumb, over-the-top action sequence followed by another big, loud, dumb, over-the-top action sequence (and the safe money says it has at least one character swinging on a rope; what Underworld did for the hyperdramatic opening of doors, Van Helsing does for ropes and chains), wash, rinse, and repeat for a couple hours, eventually you're treated to an unintentionally hysterical "Simba-a-a-a-a-a"-esque grinning face in the clouds, and the end credits roll. Ta-da!
My best guess is that Stephen Sommers -- who wrote, directed, and produced, so I don't feel guilty saddling him with all the blame -- brainstormed a bunch of action sequences using as many digital effects as possible and then tried to build a movie around 'em. Sommers' approach is total sensory overload: the movie plows full-steam ahead for two hours straight, with a bombastic score, innumerable digital effects, and frenzied action almost non-stop from the first frame to the last. Not having anything but action quickly becomes tedious, especially since Sommers doesn't bother to make the self-serious characters remotely interesting. How tense can an action sequence be if the audience really couldn't care less if your hero lives or dies? I never felt even a little bit invested in anything that was happening on-screen; it's more like peeking over someone else's shoulder as he plays a video game than watching a movie.
Although I've really
liked some of the key cast members in other roles, they're wasted here. Richard Roxburgh probably didn't need to wear any sort of fang appliance as a completely unintimidating Dracula; gnawing on the scenery as much as he does ought to have kept his teeth plenty sharp. I'm not sure how deliberately campy Van Helsing is supposed to be, but every scene with Dracula and the astonishingly inept acting of his brides had me staring blankly at the screen in disbelief. With a pair of one-note, stone-faced heroes in the lead, Sommers tries to inject a little humor into the movie through a weaponeering friar played by David Wenham (think the Victorian Era-equivalent to Bond's Q), but with slapstick this lazy, I'm surprised there's not a shot of Carl slipping on his flop-sweat.
Nearly every shot in the movie has some sort of digital effect applied to it. Van Helsing is addicted to CGI in the same way you hear stories of alcoholics guzzling bottles of mouthwash in search of a buzz -- the movie doesn't care if the CG's remotely convincing or even if it makes any sense, just as long as it took a team of animators in Palo Alto three weeks to model and render. Sure, go ahead and make the vampires' jaws open three feet: we have a $160 million budget! The effects are so jarringly cartoonish that they're more of a distraction than anything else.
I'm sure you see where I'm going with all of this: Four stars. Highly recommended.
Video: Although none of the dozen or
so HD DVDs I've watched to date scream "reference quality", this 1.85:1 presentation of Van Helsing comes dangerously close. It's such a recent production that there's little need to note that it's free of any speckles or visible wear in the source material. The image also doesn't exhibit much in the way of film grain, lending it a smooth, almost video-like appearance. The strength of the contrast and the immaculate level of detail in the best scenes trump my other HD DVDs, although this is slightly variable. Some shots seem so heavily fiddled with in the digital domain that, sharp as they are, it seems like some of the fine detail has been wiped away. The palette is deliberately subdued but is presented without any complaints or concerns. Shadow detail is also above-average, which is a plus considering the number of more dimly-lit shots. Although Van Helsing is brimming with the sorts of things that cause movies on my HD cable channels to turn into a pixelated mess -- flashes of lightning, flames, smoke, and sparks of electricity -- I couldn't spot any artifacting even in the most problematic sequences. As lousy as the movie may be, this is one of the most instantly striking HD DVDs out now.
Audio: Well, it's loud. The Dolby Digital Plus 5.1 audio features a healthy dynamic range, boasting clear, crystalline highs and a hellish amount of bass in the lower frequencies. The surround channels aren't quite as chaotically immersive as I was expecting them to be in the numerous battle royales, but there are plenty of the usual whiz-bang pans and ample discrete imaging. Despite all of the ruckus, the film's dialogue emerges relatively unscathed, although it really wouldn't have made a difference if it had been completely drowned out. I'm not so floored that I feel compelled to ramble on and on about how great it is, but hey! Still a strong effort. The usual assortment of dubs and subtitles are also provided.
Supplements: Sure, it's another DVD port, but there's some
pretty good stuff on here. There are two audio commentaries, and the first with writer/director/producer Stephen Sommers and producer Bob Ducsay seems to be a predominately technical affair, placing its emphasis more on the "how" than the "why". Their excitement for the then-imminent release of the film is evident, but that enthusiasm doesn't translate to a particularly compelling commentary track, and I'll admit to skipping around after a while before hopping over to the second track.
The disc's other commentary re-teams the actors who portray the movie's monsters: Richard Roxburgh (Count Dracula), Shuler Hensley (Frankenstein's monster), and Will Kemp (Van Helsing's main werewolf). It's laid-back, peppered with laughs, and chatty as the three actors gab about the countless hours spent in the make-up chair, enduring all the wire-fu, and taking the reins as such legendary monsters. Y'know, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's more like listening to a few friends banter back and forth than a couple of people politely and quietly speaking into a microphone in a sterile recording studio, and I obviously mean that in a good way.
The ten minute featurette "Bringing the Monsters to Life" is a first-rate special effects featurette, offering a comprehensive look at every step of fleshing out the movie's beasties, all the way from sketching the initial concept art to compositing the computer-generated graphics into the film. The prepwork for the grander sequences in some of the movie's different sets are covered in great detail in "Track the Adventure: Van Helsing's Map", featuring a good bit of behind-the-scenes footage and comments from the crew. "Van Helsing: The Story, The Life, The Legend" is a collection of mini-featurettes on the backstories of the various characters featured in the movie, including snippets from some of the classic Universal horror films, some additional on-set footage from Van Helsing, and comments from the cast as well as Dracula expert Elizabeth Miller.
Other featurettes delve into the score by Alan Silvestri, some time-lapse photography demonstrating the time and manpower that goes into redressing a set, and the filming of the movie's elaborate masquerade ball scene. A standard issue five minute blooper reel, a few galleries of conceptual art, and a set of DVD credits round out the extras.
Conclusion: Some of Universal's classic monsters are rumored to be clawing their way to HD DVD later this year. Wait for those. As for Van Helsing...? It's watchable (or maybe I've just been steeled from a lifetime of schlock), but it's not a movie I can really fathom recommending to anyone, ever. If for some reason you can't resist, Rent It.
The usual image disclaimer: The images in this review were nicked from Universal's official Van Helsing site. They're just meant to liven up the paragraphs and paragraphs of text and aren't necessarily representative of the way this HD DVD looks.
The bad? Yeah, that'd be pretty much everything else.
I dug Stephen Sommers's spin on The Mummy. It's a summer
blockbuster in the lean-back-and-munch-on-popcorn tradition, sporting a slew of elaborate special effects sequences, gobs of action, and a breezy sense of humor. It's exactly the sort of movie it sets out to be, and there's nothing wrong with having a couple hours of unpretentious fun. The downside to a director having a couple of consecutive colossal hits is that the studios loosen the leash a bit and let them overindulge, and Van Helsing, Sommers' latest reimagining of the classic Universal monsters, is a two hour collection of everything people bitch about summer tentpoles: bloated, non-sensical, overreliant on awkward, cartoonish CGI effects, and insultingly dumb. The plot kind of gets buried in the unrelenting barrage of action, but it goes something like this: Dracula and his three brides have had thousands upon thousands of children over the centuries, but dead guy plus dead woman equals dead babies. He funds the experiments of Dr. Frankenstein (gives him a castle and everything!) in the hopes of giving his cocooned offspring life, but at the moment of triumph, the Transylvanians grab their torches and pitchforks, and the good doctor's newly-risen creature escapes during the ensuing siege. Enter amnestic, Vatican-endorsed monster slayer Van Helsing (Hugh Jackman). He's dispatched to Transylvania to protect Anna Valerious (Kate Beckinsale), the last of a proud line of gypsy warriors, and...there's some curse about not being able to enter heaven or something, but anyway, shrug off all of the pointless subplots and it boils down to "don't let Anna get herself killed" and "find a way to kill Dracula".
Actually, nix that. Here's
a better summary: there's a big, loud, dumb, over-the-top action sequence followed by another big, loud, dumb, over-the-top action sequence (and the safe money says it has at least one character swinging on a rope; what Underworld did for the hyperdramatic opening of doors, Van Helsing does for ropes and chains), wash, rinse, and repeat for a couple hours, eventually you're treated to an unintentionally hysterical "Simba-a-a-a-a-a"-esque grinning face in the clouds, and the end credits roll. Ta-da! My best guess is that Stephen Sommers -- who wrote, directed, and produced, so I don't feel guilty saddling him with all the blame -- brainstormed a bunch of action sequences using as many digital effects as possible and then tried to build a movie around 'em. Sommers' approach is total sensory overload: the movie plows full-steam ahead for two hours straight, with a bombastic score, innumerable digital effects, and frenzied action almost non-stop from the first frame to the last. Not having anything but action quickly becomes tedious, especially since Sommers doesn't bother to make the self-serious characters remotely interesting. How tense can an action sequence be if the audience really couldn't care less if your hero lives or dies? I never felt even a little bit invested in anything that was happening on-screen; it's more like peeking over someone else's shoulder as he plays a video game than watching a movie.
Although I've really
liked some of the key cast members in other roles, they're wasted here. Richard Roxburgh probably didn't need to wear any sort of fang appliance as a completely unintimidating Dracula; gnawing on the scenery as much as he does ought to have kept his teeth plenty sharp. I'm not sure how deliberately campy Van Helsing is supposed to be, but every scene with Dracula and the astonishingly inept acting of his brides had me staring blankly at the screen in disbelief. With a pair of one-note, stone-faced heroes in the lead, Sommers tries to inject a little humor into the movie through a weaponeering friar played by David Wenham (think the Victorian Era-equivalent to Bond's Q), but with slapstick this lazy, I'm surprised there's not a shot of Carl slipping on his flop-sweat. Nearly every shot in the movie has some sort of digital effect applied to it. Van Helsing is addicted to CGI in the same way you hear stories of alcoholics guzzling bottles of mouthwash in search of a buzz -- the movie doesn't care if the CG's remotely convincing or even if it makes any sense, just as long as it took a team of animators in Palo Alto three weeks to model and render. Sure, go ahead and make the vampires' jaws open three feet: we have a $160 million budget! The effects are so jarringly cartoonish that they're more of a distraction than anything else.
I'm sure you see where I'm going with all of this: Four stars. Highly recommended.
Video: Although none of the dozen or
so HD DVDs I've watched to date scream "reference quality", this 1.85:1 presentation of Van Helsing comes dangerously close. It's such a recent production that there's little need to note that it's free of any speckles or visible wear in the source material. The image also doesn't exhibit much in the way of film grain, lending it a smooth, almost video-like appearance. The strength of the contrast and the immaculate level of detail in the best scenes trump my other HD DVDs, although this is slightly variable. Some shots seem so heavily fiddled with in the digital domain that, sharp as they are, it seems like some of the fine detail has been wiped away. The palette is deliberately subdued but is presented without any complaints or concerns. Shadow detail is also above-average, which is a plus considering the number of more dimly-lit shots. Although Van Helsing is brimming with the sorts of things that cause movies on my HD cable channels to turn into a pixelated mess -- flashes of lightning, flames, smoke, and sparks of electricity -- I couldn't spot any artifacting even in the most problematic sequences. As lousy as the movie may be, this is one of the most instantly striking HD DVDs out now. Audio: Well, it's loud. The Dolby Digital Plus 5.1 audio features a healthy dynamic range, boasting clear, crystalline highs and a hellish amount of bass in the lower frequencies. The surround channels aren't quite as chaotically immersive as I was expecting them to be in the numerous battle royales, but there are plenty of the usual whiz-bang pans and ample discrete imaging. Despite all of the ruckus, the film's dialogue emerges relatively unscathed, although it really wouldn't have made a difference if it had been completely drowned out. I'm not so floored that I feel compelled to ramble on and on about how great it is, but hey! Still a strong effort. The usual assortment of dubs and subtitles are also provided.
Supplements: Sure, it's another DVD port, but there's some
pretty good stuff on here. There are two audio commentaries, and the first with writer/director/producer Stephen Sommers and producer Bob Ducsay seems to be a predominately technical affair, placing its emphasis more on the "how" than the "why". Their excitement for the then-imminent release of the film is evident, but that enthusiasm doesn't translate to a particularly compelling commentary track, and I'll admit to skipping around after a while before hopping over to the second track. The disc's other commentary re-teams the actors who portray the movie's monsters: Richard Roxburgh (Count Dracula), Shuler Hensley (Frankenstein's monster), and Will Kemp (Van Helsing's main werewolf). It's laid-back, peppered with laughs, and chatty as the three actors gab about the countless hours spent in the make-up chair, enduring all the wire-fu, and taking the reins as such legendary monsters. Y'know, the good, the bad, and the ugly. It's more like listening to a few friends banter back and forth than a couple of people politely and quietly speaking into a microphone in a sterile recording studio, and I obviously mean that in a good way.
The ten minute featurette "Bringing the Monsters to Life" is a first-rate special effects featurette, offering a comprehensive look at every step of fleshing out the movie's beasties, all the way from sketching the initial concept art to compositing the computer-generated graphics into the film. The prepwork for the grander sequences in some of the movie's different sets are covered in great detail in "Track the Adventure: Van Helsing's Map", featuring a good bit of behind-the-scenes footage and comments from the crew. "Van Helsing: The Story, The Life, The Legend" is a collection of mini-featurettes on the backstories of the various characters featured in the movie, including snippets from some of the classic Universal horror films, some additional on-set footage from Van Helsing, and comments from the cast as well as Dracula expert Elizabeth Miller.
Other featurettes delve into the score by Alan Silvestri, some time-lapse photography demonstrating the time and manpower that goes into redressing a set, and the filming of the movie's elaborate masquerade ball scene. A standard issue five minute blooper reel, a few galleries of conceptual art, and a set of DVD credits round out the extras.
Conclusion: Some of Universal's classic monsters are rumored to be clawing their way to HD DVD later this year. Wait for those. As for Van Helsing...? It's watchable (or maybe I've just been steeled from a lifetime of schlock), but it's not a movie I can really fathom recommending to anyone, ever. If for some reason you can't resist, Rent It.
The usual image disclaimer: The images in this review were nicked from Universal's official Van Helsing site. They're just meant to liven up the paragraphs and paragraphs of text and aren't necessarily representative of the way this HD DVD looks.
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