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Yellowbeard

MGM // PG // June 27, 2006
List Price: $14.94 [Buy now and save at Amazon]

Review by John Sinnott | posted June 20, 2006 | E-mail the Author
The Movie:
 
After the final Monty Python movie, The Meaning of Life (1983), Graham Chapman made a movie of his own. He co-wrote, directed, and stared in Yellowbeard and along the way managed to talk some of his old buddies into appearing in it.  Along with Champan the film co-stared Python alumni Eric Idle and John Cleese, as well as Peter Cook (who wrote the film with Chapman), Marty Feldman, Madeline Kahn, Spike Milligan (of the Goon Show), the comedy team of Cheech and Chong, and even a guest appearance by David Bowie.  It's one of those films with so many talented comedians that viewers invariably walk away wondering why there weren't more laughs in it.  While there are some very funny bits in this movie, they are too few and far between and as a whole the film doesn't hold together very well.

The dread pirate Yellowbeard (Chapman) spends years plundering the seven seas and amasses a huge fortune before being arrested for tax evasion and sentenced to 20 years in jail.  While imprisoned he's tortured constantly but never reveals the location of his hidden treasure.  The crown needs the money however, so when his time is up Naval Commander Clement (Idle) hatches a devilish plan.  He increases Yellowbeard's sentence by 140 years so that he'll be forced to escape, which he does, and then Clement will follow him to the treasure.

Much to Yellowbeard's surprise, the treasure map that he left with his wife (Kahn) no longer exists.  She burned it, but only after tattooing a copy on their infant son's head.  Now a bookish adult, Dan (Martin Hewitt) doesn't realize what is under his hair until his pirate father turns up.  Together with some of Dan's friends, father and son head off to find the buried fortune trying to stay one step ahead of the Royal Navy, and Yellowbeard's old right hand man Moon (Peter Boyle) who are also trying to get it.

The movie starts out well with a lot of promise.  There are has several memorable lines in the first section including Chapman proclaiming "You won't catch me dying. They'll have to kill me before I die!" and Dan's mother trying to convince the boy not to spend so much time studying: "Let me tell you something - last time I read a book, I was raped. Let THAT be a lesson to you."  Unfortunately the movie can't keep the pace up.

The film slows down a good bit after the main characters take to sea, and Yellowbeard spends most of the time off camera hiding aboard the ship.  He's the most interesting, and funniest, character and you have to wonder why he disappears for over half an hour.  The gags between Dan and Cook just don't work at all and a lot of the time viewers are left wondering if what's occurring on screen is supposed to be funny.  Is the introduction of Mr. Prostitute, a woman in a naval uniform with a penciled on moustache supposed to get a laugh?

Another part that just doesn't work are Cheech and Chong's roles.  They can be uproariously funny at times but in this film the are absolutely horrid.  Tommy Chong goes around with a greatly exaggerated lisp, but they never use it to comic effect the way that impediment was in Life of Brian.  Cheech Martin banging his head on the floor every time he does something wrong got old really fast.  The odd thing is that their characters have nothing to do with the main plot of the film, it really feels like their roles were added at the last minute.  It's too bad that their talents weren't put to better use.

While the film does have it's moments, there aren't enough of them.  There is some very witty word play and some great lines, but the plot is a mess and there's nothing really holding the movie together.  A little more editing of the script and tightening of the plot would have went a long way towards making this a better film.  As it is there are some enjoyable parts, but not as many as you would expect from reading the cast list.

The DVD:


This film comes on a single sided DVD in a standard keepcase.  There is no insert.

Audio:

The stereo soundtrack is about average for a movie from the mid 80's.  There isn't a lot of bass, and the cannon blasts sound particularly anemic.  Besides that the disc sounds fine with clear dialog and clear music.  There are subtitles in English, Japanese, Spanish, and Portugese.

Video:

The widescreen anamorphic image preserves the original aspect ratio of 1.85:1 and is adequate though not outstanding.  There are some minor print damage, a few specks and dirt, but nothing major.  The image does have a fair amount of grain unfortunately, and it is also a bit dark in places.  On the positive side, the picture is sharp and the colors are bright and solid.  An overall average looking movie.

Extras: 

This is a bare bones disc.  There are no extras, not even a trailer.

Final Thoughts:

While this movie has some very funny moments, including the ending, there are a lot of things that just don't work.  With the talent that was brought together for this film, it's surprising that it wasn't much more humorous.  The parts that work, work very well though, and based on those this film is worth seeing, especially for Monty Python fans.  This would make a good rental though because the film doesn't offer a lot of replay value.

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