Kevin Costner stars as The Mariner, who lives on the sea and scavenges under the waves for trinkets left over from the world before the polar ice caps melted and covered the world in water. He sells the mementos and dirt to various isolated communities that live on artificial islands. Stopping at one, the Mariner meets Helen (Jeanne Tripplehorn), the local store-owner, who also has a girl named Enola (Tina Majorino) in her charge. Enola's back features a bizarre tattoo; legend says that tattoo is a map to dry land. The Deacon (Dennis Hopper), leader of the Smokers, a local gang of murderous ruffians who rely on gasoline powered vehicles such as jet skis, needs the map on Enola's back because he's facing mutiny if he can't reach dry land. While at the island, the Mariner is held hostage because it is discovered he is a mutant--he has gills that allow him to breathe underwrater. Luckily for him, the Smokers attack the settlement looking for Enola, and he escapes with Helen and Enola in the confusion. He promises to take them to dry land, but now the Deacon is on his tail, and he is hellbent on getting Enola in his grasp.

The first thing that strikes you about Waterworld is how uncharismatic Kevin Costner is. He plays his role as a soft-spoken drifter, with no sense of direction or interest in anything other than his next drink of water. And while others such as Clint Eastwood have made careers out of playing anti-hero drifter types, Costner simply doesn't carry the menace required to pull it off. He comes off more like a child, especially since he barely talks and looks at everything like it's the first time he's seen it. And even though he condemns a man to death in the opening sequence, he still doesn't appear to be any kind of threat to anyone, making his miraculous killing spree at the end of the film seem even more unbelievable. A large part of the film's failure can be laid directly at Costner's feet. It's clear that this was a vanity project for him, and he's not even good enough to step into the role that was written for him.

The next thing that you might notice will be the utter lack of originality in the design. It wouldn't be unfair to call this film Mad Max on the water, as this movie borrows so liberally from that Mel Gibson series that one might assume it's an unofficial sequel. Every costume, set, and vehicle feels like it's been so haphazardly thrown together that it could only really be intentional. There's little rhyme or reason to anything unless it's in the best interest of the plot, which manages to be both paper-thin and hamfisted all at once. It even goes so far as to include not just one, but two Deus Ex Machinas that all but leave you smacking your forehead in exasperation.

And it's not like anything else about the film is much better. Dennis Hopper chews the scenery so thoroughly that it's no surprise the only thing left in the world is water. The effects must have looked dated at the time, and they have not aged gracefully. The score is a feeble attempt at creating a rousing symphonic theme on the level of Raiders Of The Lost Ark. Enola is not only a terrible plot device, but an awful character, one who goes from acting like a child to suddenly delivering monologues as if she were on stage. The only one who seems to come out relatively unscathed is Jeanne Tripplehorn, who actually seems to have an investment in her performance without going too far over the top with it.

While Waterworld may not deserve it's status as one of the worst movies of all time (believe me, there's far worse out there in the cinematic wastelands), it's still nowhere near a good film. Only those who are morbidly curious about a time when Kevin Costner was considered a major star should even bother approaching it.

The HD DVD:

The Image:
For a movie that everyone would rather just forget, the 1.85:1 1080p VC-1 transfer Universal has provided to us of Waterworld is far better than I expected. A lot of the movie takes place on water, and as anyone who has seen a nature documentary in HD knows, water can be some of the most stunning imagery available. But more than that, I was pleased to see a high level of detail and strong color balance through a majority of the film. Most of the effects shots suffer terribly, however, and the available resolution seems to drop by a considerable amount. While this doesn't affect too much of the first 2/3 of the film, the finale is all special effects shots, and the quality drop in the transfer are especially annoying. Furthermore, it's clear Universal did no clean-up work to the print used, as there's dirt even from the earliest scenes. It's not pervasive, but it shows. It is rather annoying to see the problems this transfer has, because the best scenes are beautiful to behold.

The Audio:
The audio, on the other hand, holds up surprisingly well. While we only get a Dolby Digital Plus 5.1 track (as well as DD+ 5.1 Spanish and French tracks), it's extraordinarily active. Even if it's just the sound of the ocean water lapping against the side of the Mariner's boat, there's always something going on in the mix, and the action sequences in particular really envelope you. The constant activity on the track really made me long for a Dolby True HD or DTS-HD Master Audio mix, but what we've got should not be discounted.

The Supplements:
Universal gives us another extra-free release. It's probably a good thing, too, considering the movie under discussion.

The Conclusion: Waterworld is a bad film, period. It's a black spot on the careers of everyone who worked on it. There are worse films out there, but that's still no excuse to watch this movie. However, as demo material for your home theater, there is some top-notch audio and video. Sadly, the video quality varies too greatly to make it good for more than a scene or two at a time. Skip It.

Daniel Hirshleifer is the High Definition Editor for DVD Talk.