I'd love for someone from MTV to come over to my house, sit down with me and patiently explain why in the name of all that is good and pure this bastion of corporate inanity felt compelled to make a film about a show that celebrates brats terrorizing their parents to get birthday parties they'll forget about in three years. I'm completely stunned that this piece of crap even exists; Super Sweet 16: The Movie? What's next, a theme park where middle class schmoes can experience the joys of being berated by their offspring because Akon can't play their party? (I think I'll copyright that idea just in case MTV tries to pull a fast one.)

At any rate, Super Sweet 16: The Movie seems to exist not only a fictional extension of a reality-based show, but also as a vehicle for C-level pop duo Aly & AJ (you've no doubt heard their new single "Potential Breakup Song" wafting across the radio airwaves this summer). Put bluntly, neither of the sisters are terribly gifted actresses, which is unfortunate, since much of the film revolves around Sarah (AJ) and Taylor (Aly) facing off over whose sweet 16 party will be more bad-ass.

Well, let me back up a bit: Jacquie (Regine Nehy) and Sarah are just, like, the bestest friends ever and since they were little, they've had their hearts set on a joint birthday celebration when they turn 16. The would-be party planner Taylor inserts herself between the life-long friends to wreak havoc and destruction on the party to end all high school parties.

Ugh, whatever. This is the kind of flick that appeals to an extremely narrow slice of the population and I can't fathom a rush on copies of Super Sweet 16: The Movie. It's pedestrian, predictable and painfully synergistic in every frame -- how the hell did they convince the once rowdy Roddy Piper to turn up? -- a movie best forgotten as soon as it ends.

The Video:

Presented in a 1.85:1 anamorphic widescreen transfer, Super Sweet 16: The Movie looks solid for what had to be a lower-budget affair. There are no massively distracting visual flaws and colors stay vivid throughout. A great picture for an insufferable waste of time.

The Dolby Digital 5.1 track captures every gleeful squeal and bitchy aside with perfect clarity; no distortion or drop-out here. An optional Dolby 2.0 stereo track is included, as are optional Spanish subtitles.

A few bonus features, but nothing to write home about: Nineteen deleted scenes (!) are here, playable separately or all together for an aggregate run time of 15 minutes, 40 seconds; a 33 minute, 11 second highlight reel of past "My Super Sweet 16" seasons is here as is a four minute, 50 second featurette on MTV's virtual reality game "The Hills." Trailers for Rob & Big: Seasons 1 & 2, MTV's My Super Sweet 16: Seasons 1 & 2, Laguna Beach: Season 3, The Hills: Season 2, Disturbia and, um, Chili's complete the disc.

This is the kind of flick that appeals to an extremely narrow slice of the population and I can't fathom a rush on copies of Super Sweet 16: The Movie. It's pedestrian, predictable and painfully synergistic in every frame -- a movie best forgotten as soon as it ends. Skip it.