"Intelligence, beauty and complete immorality." From legendary poverty row sleazer, producer- director Barry Mahon comes Run Swinger Run, a movie that aims to bring you the three above listed attributes in equal measure. Too bad goofy sexploitation films such as this one generally score big points only on the second score, and even the immorality is soft-pedaled.

Curvacious young cutie Laura seems mostly to be swinging from one bad situation to the next; first fending off pervo boarders at home, then drug-dealing schemes at Aunt and Uncle's place. While on the run again, she nets a hasty job offer for a thousand dollars a week. While she's not too naïve about what a sexy young thing might do 'entertaining' guests for such a fat roll, she suspects something else is afoot, and that's when the newly minted swinger really starts running.

Mahon produces and directs his own script, and one wishes for something where he's not trying to showcase screenwriting chops. Swinger takes itself a little too seriously, hoping for action and intrigue, but delivering only the standard somnambulistic performances and a smattering of titillating scenes.

Elizabeth Bing gamely tackles the material, displaying acting chops in need of more time and seasoning, but thankfully also displaying a pair of pert supporting players that look like they might have gotten some surreptitious surgical help. Both her sexy scenes and expository bits are shot in stark, almost expressionistic black and white, and a few Sapphic scenarios approach Bergman-esque beauty, but all in all it's a somewhat turgid affair.

For my dollar, Run Swinger Run merits top-line status mainly because at 73 minutes it's almost feature-length, and it resembles a movie by sporting narrative flow and something of a character arc, but most of the fun has been sucked out after the shocking first 20 minutes, leaving us hankering for more sexploitation and less exposition.

Sex Club International:

It's an intentional foregone conclusion, but just for hypothetical fun let's say you're trying to figure out if a movie called Sex Club International starring Lucky Cargo is going to be any good. Depends on what your definition of 'good' is, don't it?

Barry Mahon also brings this gem from '67, outlining a few hazy details about the titular clubs and a laconic 'secret agent' named Lucky Bang Bang. Really, I just wanted to use the word titular in conjunction with this review, because the movie defies criticism.

The sex clubs are just what they sound like, and they cater to all walks, including high-profile politicians, etc. The club's entrepreneur, Carol Kane, has been resisting the lure of capitalism, content to dole out franchises for small money, simply to maintain the integrity of her product. Quicker than you can say 'rising profits' the mob swoops in to convince her that there's some long green to be made if she lays down for a wham-bam blackmail caper and a quick pull out. Ultimately it's up to Bang Bang to whip out his rod and cool things off a bit.

It's not that loony of a plot, but Mahon's utter disregard for logic, pacing or remotely believable performances makes Sex Club a real high/ low point in sexploitation insanity. From the opening shot of Lucky inexplicably lounging with seven topless babes you know you're in for 58 minutes of noggin rotting nudity - lucky you!

Of course it's all total schlock, in which the narced-out performances are the only stiff things around, but you wouldn't want it any other way. Lucky seems to have shot all his scenes in one day, laconically reading cue cards to propel the plot while an occasional vixen intrudes on the frame, trying to take off her dress.

The bulk of Sex Club consists of Kane slowly taking off her dress every thirty seconds for little reason, while her girls lazily walk around taking off their dresses, vamping in front of mirrors - apparently in a vain attempt to refill their valium prescriptions. For variety a number of scenes start with a franchisee bizarrely putting on her dress, even though she wasn't doing anything but standing behind an empty bar making herself a drink.

A show-stopping game of blindfolded brassier swapping is confoundingly juvenile, if not for the extremely hairy-backed gentleman participating. But that's nothing compared to the scene of two girls exercising in the corner of an office, something so insane it has to be seen to be believed.

The DVD

Video:

Run Swinger Run has been digitally remastered and is presented in its original black and white, 1.33:1 ratio. It looks pretty fantastic, with lots of noir-ish deep blacks and shadows. Some film damage crops up here and there, but it's more than compensated for by the crisp imagery.

Sex Club International has also been digitally remastered and is presented in its original black and white, 1.33:1 ratio. It's a good thing this loopy sexploitation nugget was rescued, too, because while the print is pretty sharp and clear in remastered form, it's pretty damaged too, though one assumes this is the best available print. In addition to generally unobtrusive intermittent speckling, there are some brief hellacious scratches that crop up - possibly where reels were changed. Also there are three weird abrasions - pretty much smack dab in the center of the frame - that hang around for the bulk of the feature. They vary in intensity and you'll forget they're there after a while.

Sound:

Run Swinger Run runs on with adequate Dolby Digital Mono sound. Many parts seem to rely on location audio, and are thus pretty muffled, so prick up those ears! A few funny moments take place later on during some non-sync-sound car-ride dialogue, you'll think you're watching a kung-fu flick.

Sex Club International suffers aurally, where reel-change scratches are severe, so too is the audio track garbled. One other scene with two naked girls hanging out in the kitchen is so muffled as to be totally inaudible, not that they were saying anything important. Otherwise, the Dolby Digital Mono audio track gets the job done.

Extras:

First off is the 35 minute mini Mahon movie, The Adventures of Busty Brown. It's a black and white feature presented digitally remastered in its original 1.33:1 ratio. Mahon tackles the chinoiserie-set as dectective Busty goes undercover as a topless go-go dancer to rescue a Chinese business man's daughter from yet another man who likes to rook women into indentured sex servitude.

Lots of overwrought drama and faux-Chinese music on the soundtrack make for a nowadays offensive mix of general silliness, intrigue, stilted performances and original music from the bar-band where Busty busts a move. Mahon fans will find all of his trademarks - especially a number of supercute girls. In fact, all the girls in every extra (not to mention the two features) on this disk are quite pert and adorable. How did Mahon do it?

Anyway, the picture is pretty good, with mostly minor film damage (a few big scratches turn up now and again) and semi muffled sound that often fights with location noise.

Tantalizing trailers for 13 Mahon movies will lead you from goofy nudie movies to Iron Butterfly and Grand Funk Railroad by way of a nightmare inducing Mahon version of The Wonderful Land of Oz. White slavery, power tool passion, you name it, Mahon's filmed it. Also included are trailers for the two films on this disk. All told, about 25 minutes of trailers will fry your brain, and your skivvies.

Three Mahon Nudie shorts, Bottoms Up! , Nude in the Pool and The Swinging Nurses clock in at seven, eight and nine minutes, respectively. Bottoms Up follows a few girls as they slowly change into bikinis, then take off those same bikinis to go swimming. A lilting soundtrack brings to mind Percy Faith, should you have trouble not keeping the faith and dipping your hand in your trousers while the girls take a dip. Nude in the Pool has similar thematic content, but also essays topless coffee making, phone call in brassier and a shocked and delighted groundskeeper.The Swinging Nurses tells a short cute tale of a nudie photographer on the mend in the hospital who conscripts the lusty nurses into some impromptu topless modelling in order to meet his deadline. Cute girls in another extremely cursory set-up.

Finally, a slideshow gallery of exploitation art (magazine covers for sleaze movies) showcases familiar images with goofy sleaze audio narration.

All extras are accompanied by the relatively unobtrusive SWV watermark.

Final Thoughts:

Run Swinger Run dashes back and forth over the line between sexploitation and serious action/ intrigue movie intentions. It gets it right mostly in the first half-hour or so, where the transgressive sleaze flies fast (if not chastely, no pubes or very suggestive sex, mind you) but founders on the rocks of respectability. Perhaps Mahon wanted to make his move as a director of legitimate merit, which, given time and budget, he might have done. However, most Mahon fun comes from total lunacy like the 'b-side' of this disk, Sex Club.

Sex Club International is so whacked-out there's no way it was ever taken seriously, to that end it's hilarious. Is it intentionally hilarious? Who cares? With consistently bad acting (most performers seem to be for the first time reading the material - poorly - from cue-cards) and poverty row set design, not an effort to get this movie made quickly and cheaply was spared. Plus, there are more jiggling jugs than you can shake your stick at! Despite being what furniture re-sellers might call a well-loved print, Sex Club is a must-see for fans of this stiff ... I mean stuff. As a pair of cheesy 'I love chicks' flicks, and with a bounty of Mahon extras, this disk ends up recommended.

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