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Deathstalker
Short Takes
A blond brute by the name of Deathstalker (Rick Hill) gets henpecked into a heroic quest by a fussy old witch who's all a twitter about the newest evil sorcerer on the block. She's got a whole riddle-addled wrap about the Three Powers of Creation and how Deathstalker should collect them all before supplies run out. First he trudges into a creepy cave to gab with a garish-looking muppet who used to be human 'til he got ala-kazam'd by Munkar (Bernard Erhard). This small talk turns to fisticuffs before our hero wins possession of a fancy battle sword containing one of the three lauded powers. On the road to Munkar's castle in search of the other two, Deathstalker picks up a few stragglers, including a swordschick (Lana Clarkson) who stirs his loincloth with her brazenly-exposed and melon-heavy charms. Meanwhile, being an immortal sorcerer gives Munkar a lot of time for his dastardly deeds such as plucking a kid's eyeball out and feeding it to a slimy critter that looks like a partially digested polecat. He also schemes up this round robin hiney-whuppin' contest to kill off potential rivals, er, to see who gets to be heir to his throne. It's there that Deathstalker comes face-to-snout with an overgrown and mighty surly PIG-man while angling toward completing his supernatural collection and, oh yeah, saving the world. Playboy phenom Barbi Benton has an equally unpleasant encounter with Porky during the floor-show portion of a pre-game orgy. Three sequels followed with Mr. Hill returning for Deathstalker IV: Match of Titans and, of course, CineSchlockers may also ogle Ms. Clarkson in the bondage-friendly Barbarian Queen flicks. 16 breasts. 32 corpses. High-speed peasant pull. Amazing migratory tattoo. Mud rasslin'. Baddie drawn and quartered. Brave Sir Deathstalker mumbles, "Heros and fools are the same thing."
1983, 76 minutes, Fullframe, Trailers, Bios.
for additional reviews and bonus features.
G. Noel Gross is a Dallas graphic designer and avowed Drive-In Mutant who specializes in scribbling B-movie reviews. Noel is inspired by Joe Bob Briggs and his gospel of blood, breasts and beasts.
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