Short Takes

CineSchlockers are instinctually drawn to most any sort of programming that warrants a warning. The producers of this sucker pledge: "We do not encourage fighting nor is this an instructional video on how to pick, get into, or win fights." Instructional? No. Educational? Yes! Like never sucker punch a fella without first noting whether he's holding a beer bottle that can, and likely will, be used to brain ye senseless. There's gobs of such unruliness here. Often duped video footage of surly yahoos trying to whomp the tar out of each other, but more often than not, just looking goofy despite a driving "Kill 'em All" soundtrack. Such as backyard rasslers Nick and Andre whose melee spills from their barbwire encircled ring as they bash florescent lighting tubes, skateboards, crutches and even a SURFBOARD across the other's neanderthal skull. The ultimate humiliation being to take a cheese grater to their opponent's spurting scalp. Mercifully, there's a shortcut from the main menu straight to about two minutes of hair-pulling catfights, most of which could presumably been avoided if the advice of one female onlooker had been noted, "Keep your mouth SHUT and your legs CLOSED and you'll be alright next time!!!" (2002, 32 mins [Yep, that's it!], Fullframe, DD 2.0, Music videos, 12-track bonus CD.)