Vampire films have been around almost as long as the movies themselves.  There are some classic vampire flicks, and some horrible ones.  They come in all shapes and sizes.  Vampires Anonymous, a direct to DVD feature, tries to add humor to a movie about blood suckers.  While this worked moderately well in Love at First Bite, the concept doesn't succeed too well with this film.

Vic (Paul Popowich) is a vampire.  What he truly wants is to settle down and have a family.  A wife and kids, have a house and a job.  The problem is he keeps killing his girlfriends.  In a fit of passion he bites their necks and drinks their blood.  As a last resort, he joins VA, Vampires Anonymous.  This twelve step program was created to wean vampires of their urge to drink human blood.  As a sponsor, Vic gets a member of the mob (Michael Madsen,) and starts attending meetings.  They put him through a battery of tests, and find out that his optimal substitute for human blood is the blood of sheep.  They create an identity for him and place him in the small farming community of Rock Creek, which has a large sheep population also.  He gets a job in an all night diner, rents an apartment and tries to settle in.  Soon he gets interesting in a local girl Maggie (Nicole Forester) and she returns his affections after he saves her from being raped.  Things are looking up for Vic, except that people are starting to notice that a lot of sheep are missing.  The town hires a "corporate slayer," an expert at killing vampires, to get to the bottom of the missing sheep problem.

This movie couldn't quite decide what it wanted to be.  It sounds like a comedy, the whole 12-step program and all, but there are very few jokes.  (There aren't a lot of comedies with attempted rapes in them either.)  There was a small bit involving a guy who had sex with his sheep, and fought with his brother (?) over who had rights to the best one.  Though it wasn't funny, I could see that it was meant to be.  Other than that, there were very few attempt at humor.  It was more a "fish out of water" film, with city boy Vic having to learn the ways of the simple country folk.  He is teased for being different and doesn't fit in.  But that plot is not really ever resolved.

The acting is mediocre at best.  Nicole Forester does an acceptable job, but star Paul Popowich is pretty wooden.   I was never sold on his motivations for doing anything.  The one stand out actress, who stole every scene she was in, was Carolyn Lawrence who plays a fellow VA member.  She had great comedic timing and was not only able to tell a joke, but sell it too.  The couple of scenes she was in were the bright spots of the movie.
 
The script could have been a lot better.  You usually expect the characters to change and grow during the course of a movie, but at the end of the film, everyone is pretty much the same as when it started.  Michael Madsen's character seemed bipolar.  In one scene he's caring and wants to help Vic, and in others he finds Vic to be an annoyance.  There isn't any reason given for these quick changes back and forth.  There are a lot of strange things that happen that aren't really explained.  The town is concerned over the loss of its sheep, so they hire a vampire slayer???  They didn't even suspect that a vampire was in their midst.  In another instance, Vic, being weak from only drinking from sheep, falls over in a country store.  The clerk, Maggie, helps in up and get on his way.  Later that night she brings some home made chicken soup to his apartment.  Does she do that for everyone who trips while she's on duty?  The oddest thing has to do with Vic's sponsor.  He's in the beginning of the big climatic scene, but disappears and you don't see him again in the movie.  What happened to him?

There is nothing really objectionable about this movie, just not a lot to recommend it.  As a satire, it falls flat, and as a drama, it's not very engaging.
 
 

The audio was in digital stereo.  For a film that was released at the end of 2003, I was expecting a 5.1 mix, and was disappointed that there wasn't one.  The film does make good use of the front soundstage, with actor's voices panning across and they walk across a room.  The quality was good, with no hiss or dropouts.  They dialog and sound effects where mixed well, though a couple of added sounds were a tad to load, nothing that interfered with the enjoyment of the movie.  There were no subtitles.

Video:

This movie is presented in a 1.78:1 aspect ratio which I assume is the way it was intended to be shown.  Unfortunately, it is not enhanced for widescreen televisions.  The quality is moderate.  There is a good amount of dot crawl when the background consists of one color.  There is some low level noise in some of the dark scenes too, but it is not a major concern.

The Extras:

This is a bare bones disc.  Just the "Play Movie" option and "Scene Selections."  A direct to video production like this would have benefited from having some background and interviews with the actors and creators.  Even if they didn't have the ability to make a "behind the scenes' documentary, just some press junket interviews would have been welcome.  I think it would have added greatly to the appeal of the disc.

Final Thoughts:

Vampires Anonymous isn't a horrible movie, it's just not a very good one.  The script isn't tight and the acting only so-so.  I just couldn't get into this film.  There were too many plot inconsistencies and not enough humor.  You need some jokes in the movie if you are going to make a comedy, you can't expect the premise carry it.  You might want to give it a look if your first few choices aren't available next time you go to rent a movie.  Rent it.