The Movie:

Jack London.

It's one of those names still included in literature anthologies to this day. Like many who read this review, I suspect, I had to read some of London's writing as I went through school. My favorite tale of his is a short story about a man trying to survive in extreme elements called To Build a Fire - if you've never read it, it's worth checking out. However, London is best known for two novels, both with animals as lead characters: Call of the Wild and White Fang.

Since London is still a recognizable name (and since his work is in the public domain), it's a no-brainer that various studios over the years have tried to capitalize on his writing. And hence, there's Jack London's Call of the Wild, a 2000 made-for-television production. Like the recently cancelled Dead Zone series, Call of the Wild assumes some of th...Read the entire review

The Movie:

Death Valley (also known as Mojave) follows four young men - Josh (Eric Christian Olsen), Daniel (Rider Strong), Anthony (Bumper Robinson) and Brick (Wayne Young) - who get tired of their every day inner city existence and decide to leave Los Angeles for a while to check out a crazy rave party being held out in the middle of the desert. They meet up with a hot chick named (Genevieve Cortese) Amber and things are looking like they're going to be a whole lot of fun. The guys hoping for healthy doses of sex, drugs and obnoxious music but they soon learn that they've wandered onto some very dangerous turf! You see, the part of the desert they've wound up in is actually controlled by a gang of homicidal biker trash lead by a tough, machete wielding nut job named Dom (Dash Mihok) and these guys are none too happy to see a bunch of punk kids moving in on their territory.Read the entire review

The Movie:
You gotta love the little guys. As soon as 300 was released to at least middling critical acclaim and some behemoth box office, it seemed ripe for parody (in fact some wags insisted it was a parody to begin with). And so what does Hollywood do of course but throw money into the execrable Meet the Spartans, which was so bad it wasn't even funny bad. And then along come the Holechek twins with nary a million (some might say a thousand) to their name who produce a short called 305, which they upload to YouTube. After over four million hits, and as fast you can say development deal, they are then offered the chance to expand their short into a feature length direct to DVD film which I think I can safely proclaim is the Citizen Kane of 300 parodies.

The basic plot of the film follows the exploits of five not exactly grade A Spartans who are sent ...Read the entire review

The Movie:

Grizzly Park has got to be one of the most cliché ridden films of some time, but that said, writer/director Tom Skull has infused his killer bear movie with enough goofy humor and, towards the end at least, gratuitous gore that you can't help but have a good time with it. Is the film a classic? Not even close, but it is an entertaining horror-adventure film featuring some cute girls in their underwear and plenty of groan inducing dialogue. If that's not enough, it's got a giant killer bear in it. What more do you want?

A serial killer escapes from prison and kills a corrections officer and assumes his identity. His first job? To pick up a group of unusually attractive teens - four buff guys and four hot chicks - all of whom have been convicted of misdemeanors and escort them into the woods where they'll serve out some community service work by picking up litter in a...Read the entire review

The Movie:

A comedy without laughs and a drama without any bite, Niagara Motel is hardly four-star lodging. Still, this 2006 Canadian flick is one of those ambitious failures I feel guilty for disliking. It had potential, and that potential was squandered.

Screenwriters Dani Romain and George F. Walker juggle several storylines revolving around a ramshackle motel just outside Niagara Falls, New York. In the city celebrated by honeymooners, the denizens of this motel are in various stages of relationship atrophy. Perhaps the most forlorn character is bellhop Phillie (Craig Ferguson), a morose Scotsman who tries boozing away the haunting image of his bride plunging to her death at the famous falls.

But there is plenty of dreariness to go around. Henry and Lily (Peter Keleghan and Wendy Crewson) are a once-comfortable couple now existing on the fumes of distrust and rese...Read the entire review

The Movie:

In 1587, 117 brave men and women set sail from Britain to establish the first English colony in the Americas. They landed on Roanoke Island, off the coast of Virginia. They built a settlement and planted crops. And then they disappeared without a trace. No one has ever solved the mystery of the lost colony.

This little history lesson is provided by Lost Colony: The Legend of Roanoke as a means of introduction.

A lot of theories have been bandied about over what happened to this lost colony - this movie presents one of the more outlandish theories. This outlandishness makes sense, though, since the DVD's cover art has a logo stating "As seen on SciFi." That's SciFi as in the SciFi Channel. Yep, Lost Colony: The Legend of Roanoke is yet another in the seemingly endless cheap film productions that first aired on the infamous cable channel before...Read the entire review

THE FILM

Since Richie Cunningham, Potsie, and Fonzie have all maintained directing careers, why not Ralph Malph?

Don Most, the beloved "Happy Days" alumni, takes the reins of "Moola," a comedic morality tale so frivolous you'll forget the experience the minute it ends. Actually, scratch that. "Moola" concludes with all the characters dancing and mugging to "My Girl." That means when "Moola" ends, you'll actually want to shoot yourself in the face.

Steve (William Mapother) is at the very end of his rope, losing his wife (Charlotte Ross) to a forthcoming divorce and trapped as the owner of a financially disastrous glo-stick manufacturing company. Feeling his life is over, Steve's fortunes suddenly change when he learns that dairy farmers use the sticks to better calculate the timing of bovine fertility. When news hits the corporate world, it engages the curiosity of a ruthless CE...Read the entire review

I have to admit that I'm not the parent of a young tyke or anything like that. I just stumbled onto the cover art for "Move Those Feet" -- a collection of episodes from the Discovery Kids series Hip Hop Harry -- and knew I'd have to give this DVD a spin.

Think Barney with a little more flava. Every episode, a multiethnic gaggle of kids pile into the Hip-Hop Center to drop it like it's hot, and they learn dance moves and all sorts of life lessons from Hip Hop Harry, a pear-shaped, golden teddy bear. They chat about their problems, sing, dance, learn...y'know. The core premise really isn't that different from half the shows on TV aimed squarely at the preschool crowd, setting itself apart from the rest of the bunch with more of an emphasis on -- you guessed it! -- hip-hop and dancing. Three episodes of the Emmy-nominated series have been tossed onto this volume.

Read the entire review

The Film:
Things are not quite what they appear to be in director Brett A. Hart's psychological thriller Bone Dry, a film heavily influenced by The Most Dangerous Game, Steven Spielberg's Duel and Breakdown to name a few. There is also an element of the old television series Alfred Hitchcock Presents to be found in Bone Dry, a film that diligently tries to be more than the sum total of its influences. And while close scrutiny reveals that the film is, by and large, not much more than the sum total of its influences, it is entertaining and stylish enough that it is easy to initially overlook such shortcomings.

Luke Goss stars as Eddie, a lone traveler driving through the desert on his way back home to his family. When he stops on the side of the road to relieve himself, he is abducted by Jimmy (Lance Henricksen). It would seem that Eddie has no clue...Read the entire review

The good people of Lenexa, Kansas, were either so happy to have a movie shot in their corner of the heartland or so forgiving of those who invaded their town to do so that they have yet to cause a stink about "Full Count," a movie that portrays their town as a dismal dead-end burg filled with corrupt cops, washed-up has-beens, rednecks, rubes, and jackasses. It's the stereotypical small town where the best thing to do is dream of a way to leave.

The film, the directorial debut of actor Jason Wiles (who also co-wrote the screenplay with playwright Shem Bitterman), was titled "Lenexa, 1 Mile" during its festival circuit run; it was rechristened with the generic name "Full Count" for its direct-to-video release. It's an appropriate change - like the film itself, the title is clichéd, dull, and meaningless.

It's the summer of 1988, and a handful of pals-since-childhood are celebrating their ...Read the entire review

The Movie:
Judging from the packaging, the straight-to-DVD Loaded seems to be getting marketed somewhere between Layercake and The Fast and the Furious. I believe it would have been better marketed along the lines of a teen movie with guns since this film is nothing but a showcase for Jesse Metcalfe (the gardener from Desperate Housewives).

Metcalfe plays Tristan Price, an appropriate name for a rich, Malibu kid getting caught up with the wrong crowd. While his parents are upstanding citizens, Tristan has gotten into trouble in the past and is now living a conservative, by-the-book lifestyle at his parents' home, even though he's 25.

The first six minutes are used to set up Tristan's back story, and then enter the Furious. The next half hour is a showcase for the hot cars, hot women, and fast living of the L.A. party scene as Tristan celebrates his birthday. A plot need not apply her...Read the entire review

The Movie:

Please note: I would've liked to have written a complete review of this DVD. Unfortunately, Allumination Filmworks provided an incomplete screener DVD with only the movie and its trailer. All special features on the commercial release were not included. In addition, a very large For Screening Purposes Only text appeared on every single frame of the film (save for the end credits). For these reasons, sadly, I can only review the movie and its audio track; the video and extras I can't rate.

Bone Dry is one of those films that doesn't waste time in getting to its premise. By the time the opening credits have scrolled through, the viewer is placed straight into the main plot of the movie. Eddie, played by Luke Goss, is a young man whose career remains purposively vague until the end of the film. He's traveling through the Mojave Desert to his wife and family....Read the entire review

I'm the kind of character actor fan who doesn't watch Close Encounters of the Third Kind for all of its Speilbergian-ness. I watch it for that one crowd pan at the end where you see Lance Henrkison among the wonder-eyed scientists looking at the landing spacecraft. I wait on the edge of my seat for him to utter his two lines in The Right Stuff. And, while I love Pacino claustrophobically simmering for two hours worth of Dog Day Afternoon, I know that in my heart of hearts, I'm really just waiting for Henrikson to show up and blow ol' John Cazale's brains out.

Along with Savage Dawn, Pumpkinhead, Mimic: Sentinel, Gunfighter's Moon, and Sasquatch Mountain, to name a few, I now add Bone Dry to a long list of films I watched just because they had that grizzled Henrikson flavor.

After a pretentious title card intro quoting both Shakespeare and the bible, we ...Read the entire review

Dark comedies can be strange beasts, especially when they skate too close along the lines of comedic drama and plain outlandishness. Niagara Motel, Gary Yates' uncomfortable farce, shares a similar exemplification. How can a comedy without tangible humor and a drama without fluid evocation remotely compel its audience? Somehow, Yates' character-driven exercise in quirks and sarcasms marginally grabs such success, but not without several noticeable blemishes and cringe-worthy exchanges that suppress Niagara Motel from being a discernible accomplishment.


The Film:

The Movie:

Remember those good old anthology shows like The Twilight Zone and Tales from the Darkside? These half hour programs depicted characters in unusual situations, typically with a surprise twist ending. Though they varied in quality, shows like these trailblazed episodic storytelling on television and influenced a great many filmmakers.

Unfortunately, these shows also clearly influenced the makers of The Unknown Trilogy, a film with three parts that tries so hard - with a limited budget and fleeting appearances from second tier stars - to pay homage to those great shows. The title sequence has a score reminiscent of Tales from the Darkside's theme music, and the movie's three stories are hosted by one "Dr. Sol Rubin," a Dom Deluise-lookalike who serves the Rod Serling function of introducing and concluding each story's arc. It seems that the good...Read the entire review

The Film:
It's difficult to determine what is more frustrating, the fact that Jerry Stiller is probably best known for his work on Seinfeld and King of Queens, when he should be recognized for so much more, or the fact that Stiller's first leading man role in his career that spans five decades is in a well-intentioned but flawed film like The Independent. As a character actor who has been around for decades, it is understandable how someone like Stiller can be both known and unknown at the same time--he is the sort of actor who brings life to every scene he's in, but is seldom called upon to carry the entire show. But the fact of the matter is that character actors like Stiller are perfectly capable of carrying the entire show, provided they are given the right opportunity; which is what makes The Independent frustrating. Here is a vehicle that is perfect for showc...Read the entire review

The Movie:

ATTENTION! THE ATTIC IS DIRECTED BY THE DIRECTOR OF PET SEMATARY!

In case you forget this, a "FROM THE DIRECTOR OF PET SEMATARY" line appears underneath the title on the front DVD cover art and in big creepy tombstone font on the back DVD cover art, and the film's trailer, available as a extra, proclaims the fact. I wasn't aware that the first PET SEMATARY has that much of a loyal following, but maybe I'm missing something. While Mary Lambert has done a fair amount of horror in her career, films like the recent Urban Legends: Bloody Mary and this half-baked haunted flick The Attic sure aren't going to place her in the pantheon of horror director giants like Val Lewton or Wes Craven.

In The Attic, college student Emma, played appealingly (for the first half of the film before her character devolves into complete histrion...Read the entire review

Hack!:

Give the Hack!-ers credit, they knowingly give their movie a hamstringer of a title, make a winking note of it in the climax of the movie, and constantly reference other, far better films throughout their own. That, readers, is what we call having cojones. And if it weren't for the last twenty-or-so minutes of the movie, writer/director Matt Flynn would be writhing on the floor in agony shielding those bruised cojones from enraged viewers.

Hack! is an obvious spoof, it's spelled out on the DVD case and becomes clear within the first few minutes of the movie. In said movie, a small group of clichéd college students take a boat, captained by awesome (and underused) Burt Young, to a 'mysterious island' owned by a 'kooky couple' in order to bolster their Biology scores. While there, a number of 'oddly familiar' murders occur, edging spoof into pastiche territory. However, regardless ...Read the entire review

In 10 Words or Less
Inside the cell inside America

Reviewer's Bias*
Loves: Good indie films, interesting film construction
Likes: Edgy film ideas, John Shea
Dislikes: Monologues
Hates: Extremists, a pointless ending

The Movie
Is it too soon for a film about a likable terror cell? Well, after Sleeper Cell, the Showtime series about a similar topic, and Day Night Day Night, the disturbingly realistic view into the mind of a suicide bomber in America, the answer would seem to be no. And truthfully, Arlington Road walked this road way back in 1999, in a pre-9/11 world. Either way, first-time writer/director Scott Dacko gave it a try, and the results are a polished film with tight performance...Read the entire review

There's not much about the made-for-TV flick "Knights of the South Bronx" that's bound to attract your attention - until you notice the name of Allen Hughes in the credits. Allen and sibling Albert make up the Hughes Brothers, the filmmaking team that landed a name for themselves in 1993 with the breakthrough gangsta drama "Menace II Society"; follow-ups include "Dead Presidents," "American Pimp," and "From Hell."

For "Knights," which debuted on A&E in December 2005, a solo Hughes (Albert is nowhere to be found in the credits) brings a pinch of cold urban reality to an otherwise flat, by-the-numbers inspirational teacher/coach melodrama. The teleplay, from Dianne Houston (who would repeat the formula with "Take the Lead") and Jamal Joseph, morphs the true-life tale of Chess in the Schools founder David MacEnulty into the fictionalized story of Richard Mason (Ted Danson), a well-to-do busines...Read the entire review

It's an iconic image of cinema history: Butch and Sundance, bursting from that Bolivian church, guns blazing, forever captured in sepia-toned freeze-frame. "Outlaw Trail: The Treasure of Butch Cassidy" toys with our fond memories of that scene, opening with its own take on that legendary moment. This time, the duo plan an escape out the back. But did they make it?

Roy Parker sure thinks they did. We flash forward to 1951 Utah, where teenage Roy (Ryan Kelley), great-nephew to LeRoy Parker, aka Butch Cassidy, is convinced that his famous relative made it out alive, returned to the States, took an assumed name, and made up for a life of crime by living out his final years doing good deeds for all around him.

It's not a popular view. Roy's hometown seems content to use its most famous former citizen as an excuse for an annual old west festival, while the curator of the nearby museum (Bruce Mc...Read the entire review

The Film:
Back in late 1992 and early 1993 stories started popping up about some filmmaker in Texas who made a feature film for $6000, financed in part by money he earned from participating in sleep study program. The filmmaker was Robert Rodriguez and the movie was El Mariachi, both of which would become part of an inspirational fairytale of independent filmmaking that has endured all of these years. Other films and filmmakers have come along in the following years that have made names for themselves in the world of micro-budget indie cinema; but what separated Rodriguez from the likes of Kevin Smith and Ed Burns was that he had made a shoot 'em up action flick, as opposed the sort of talking-heads movie most aspiring directors use to make their mark. Rodriguez defied the conventional wisdom that said the best thing a filmmaker with no money could do was shoot a conversation between t...Read the entire review

THE FILM

Five years ago, iconic Midwesterner Michael Wilson saw Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine" and decided it was all just too much to bear. Wilson was fed up with the lies and misdirection that Moore's film allegedly contained, and desired to get his side of the story out to the clueless masses. Thus was born, "Michael Moore Hates America," which Wilson suggests is more of an allegorical title than a libelous swipe. Yeah, right.

"Hates America" started life as Wilson's loving ode to the country's great and diverse population, which Wilson claims Moore has taken it upon himself to speak for, defecating on American ideals in the process. However, during the Wilson's production period, a political bomb was dropped in the form of Moore's "Fahrenheit 9/11," which ended up as one of the top-grossing movies of 2004; a remarkable achievement for a decidedly partisan documentary...Read the entire review

A staple of daytime syndication for more than 10 years, Judge Judy is by far the most successful reality show of its kind. Adopting a format almost identical to its long-running predecessor, The People's Court** (1981-1993), the program made a star out of Judith Sheindlin, Judge Judy, who first gained national exposure while still serving as a family court judge in Manhattan. The Los Angeles Times and, later, 60 Minutes profiled the diminutive (5'1") and grandmotherly but tough-talking, intimidating arbiter, whose cut-through-the-crap style was like a breath of fresh air in an increasingly flawed and overburdened legal system.

Here's how the show works: its producers look for interesting, real-life small claims cases that have been filed arou...Read the entire review

The Movie

"As seen on TV." "Foolproof." "Clean Restrooms." "The funniest movie in decades." Let's face it, there are certain statements or claims that we have learned to distrust. This is usually due to the fact that we've been burned before. For me, a claim that I'm always wary of is "a new twist on the vampire genre". It seems that every vampire movie makes this claim, and yet none deliver on this promise. This latest in this line of teases if Night Junkies.

Night Junkies tells the story of Vincent (Giles Alderson), a vampire who lives in London. Vincent views vampirism as just another addiction, and he keeps to himself, quietly feeding his hunger. One night, he meets a stripper named Ruby (Katia Winter). Ruby hates her life and is constantly infuriating her boss, Max (Jonathan Coyne), because she won't have sex with the customers. Vincent is immediately ...Read the entire review

Allumination Filmworks has released The Ugly Duckling and Me: School Days, a collection of three episodes from the Danish-produced CGI television cartoon, Ugly Duckling Junior (which is actually a spin-off of the Danish 2005 feature film The Ugly Duckling and Me). I never saw the feature film from which the series was spun off, but I'll be looking for it now, because I had quite a good time watching this ironic little slice of life in the duckyard.

Evidently, the feature film explains how Ugly, the little duckling who's the star of the show, came to call Ratso, the series' comic relief, his father, but we can only guess here. Living in a tumultuous, hectic, stressful duckyard, Ugly navigates the pressures and tribulations of growing up in a society that di...Read the entire review

Background: Modern day relationships can be grueling tests of endurance that would rival the twelve labors of Hercules. I speak from extensive experience, sometimes being the one testing the will of my partner and other times being the one tested, but as in all things, men and women rarely see eye to eye on even the basic tenants of relationships, making them a fertile breeding ground for comedy (as well as drama). Some movies tend to go the sappy route with these differences; sucking up to the female audience they know pine for an impossibly perfect mate and will see a movie a dozen times to point to the hero who does everything they expect of you. Other movies cater towards the male audience, showing ample nudity and goofing on the narrow minded ladies the writers know men hate with a passion. Today's review is on a movie that tries hard to straddle the line between men and women in what amou...Read the entire review

I didn't grow up when the original Star Trek (1966-69) was boldly exploring new worlds and all that, but the popular sci-fi franchise has always been at close hand. My dad was always a big fan of the original series...so when The Next Generation premiered in 1987, my eight year-old brain quickly followed suit. Though I've never considered myself a die-hard fan of the franchise, it's obvious that Star Trek has made an imprint in many people's minds and lives...including my own, of course.

A handful of these folks are on hand to discuss Star Trek's influence during How William Shatner Changed the World, but this 2005 History Channel documentary is more than just a gaggle of gushing geeks. Hosted by Shatner himself (above, mugging for the camera), it focuses on the real-w...Read the entire review

After I let the theme song to Strawberry Shortcake play on the DVD menu for about the fourth guilty time (with the headphones on, so as not tip off anyone), I skipped to the opening credits and saw that it was composed and performed by none other than Flo and Eddie of The Turtles - no wonder it's so cool! Okay, with that embarrassing admission out of the way, let's talk about the DVD release of Strawberry Shortcake: The World of Strawberry Shortcake & Strawberry Shortcake in Big Apple City. Having never been what you would call a "fan" of Strawberry Shortcake (I was 11 and a guy when the character was introduced in 1977), I can tell you this: by the early 1980s, girls were crazy about her. I remember 18 year old girls in high school who thought it was funny and ironic to have Strawberry Shortcake folders, notebook paper, pencils, even backpacks. Introduced as a greeting ...Read the entire review

Based on a 1976 Broadway play, director Jeff Hare's Checking Out isn't hard to take, especially considering the caliber of the performers, including veteran ham bone Peter Falk. But with its artificially peppy, "too smart to live" dialogue, a trite, confused central story, and quite a few performances calibrated not to the back row, but to Sardi's across the street, Checking Out isn't all that easy to take, either.

Morris Applebaum (Peter Falk), a renowned Jewish Shakespearian actor approaching his 90th birthday, decides that enough is enough; he's lived a good life, with many friends and many accomplishments, and he wants to "check out" before the inevitable physical breakdown. Having lost his beloved wife, Morris believes it's time to bow out gracefully. Sending ...Read the entire review

The Movie:

Just in case you missed Easy Rider, Scarface or those inimitable this-is-your-brain-on-drugs PSAs from Partnership for a Drug-Free America, Push is a reminder that drug-dealing is no picnic. Ironically, a heavy dose of narcotics might be the only thing that could make this inept downer of a movie halfway watchable.

Joe (Chad Lindberg), Kevin (Pierce Forsythe) and Mickey (William DePaolo) are three boneheaded friends whose lives forever change at a dance club one night when they stumble across a big bag of the drug ecstasy. What to do? It's an ethical dilemma the pals don't ponder for too long. Kevin is an up-and-coming stockbroker and Mickey is a trust-fund baby, but both harbor fantasies of making an overnight fortune as drug peddlers. Only Joe, who tends bar, is wary of taking on the sizable risks of selling dope. Still, he puts his reservations as...Read the entire review

The Movie:
I always believe in admitting my biases right up front, and I'd like to declare right here and now that I just loooooooove Rob Estes. Esai Morales is a close second. Then add in Without a Trace's absolutely delectable Enrique Murciano. They're all in this movie, which is why I just about freaked out at the prospect of watching it, just like a starved woman at a hunk buffet! Unfortunately, even with a supporting cast that includes Jason Alexander, Alison Eastwood, and Kimberly Williams, this mess of a movie is a complete waste of talent.

Business partners Stan and Artie are out on a blind date together. Stan is a slick type who has all the answers (or so he thinks) when it comes to women. Artie (Rob Estes) is a nice guy who is still reeling from the death of his beloved wife. Stan gives Artie a ton of advice, which basically amounts to recommending he lie about travel...Read the entire review

You can't not like Louis L'Amour. It's simply impossible, like sneezing with your eyes open. If tales of the old west are your thing, then L'Amour is naturally at the top of your list.

"Louis L'Amour's Shaughnessy" is an adaptation of L'Amour's "The Iron Marshal" (hence the retitling as "Shaughnessy: The Iron Marshal" on the DVD cover) produced in 1996 as a movie-length pilot for a potential cowboy TV series. The pilot flopped and CBS passed on picking up the show, but they did air the movie as a standalone; it has since popped up from time to time on cable and now, finally, arrives on home video.

Matthew Settle ("Into the West") makes his screen debut as the title character, a snapping young immigrant scruffing it up with an Irish gang in post-Civil War New York. Following a bare knuckle boxing match gone bad and a bullet in the back, Shaughnessy finds himself on a train bound for Kansas...Read the entire review

The Movie

This is a tough one. I really don't know how to describe Naina other than this: "It's the Bollywood version of The Eye." Like, literally, down to even the stupidest little plot point, only this time around we have Indian actors instead of Asian ones and this time around the story is ridiculously familiar and old-hat instead of semi-original and therefore intriguing.

Young Naina (Urmila Matondkar) is just about to receive some new corneas. She's been blind since a horrific childhood accident, you see, and it's only now that she'll be able to see all the wonderful things life has to offer. (Like the kid down the hall who has brain cancer.) But once Naina's new eyeballs get hooked up, she starts seeing all sorts of visions, preominitions, hallucinations, and slo-mo dream sequences. Turns out that the eyeballs once belonged to a local witch-girl whom everyone hated andzzz...Read the entire review